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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tear Asunderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 329



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTear Asunderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to find something beautiful

    And destroy it

    I want to find something pure

    And corrupt it

    I want to find somewhere tranquil

    And tear the peace asunder

    Leave the world in darkness

    So I will never be alone





    Submitted on 2010-10-16 11:30:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way that you've set up this poem. It is simple and clear, and it gets its point across.

    I see that you've already edited once, but there is just one thing else that I would like to see changed, or at least explained.

    Why is it that you will never be alone if the world is in darkness? I would think that you would be more lonely than before, if everything is destroyed and gone.

    It would make more sense to me if the poem ended with something like:

    "Leave the world in chaos
    So I will never be alone"

    or

    "Leave the world in darkness
    So I can finally be alone"

    or something along one of those lines.

    Of course, that is merely a suggestion. And other than that, I see nothing that needs to be changed. Great job!

    --Jane
    | Posted on 2010-10-24 00:00:00 | by WhatYouWill | [ Reply to This ]
      Although these are lofty and poetic goals indeed you have misspelled tear . That's right it spells the same as the crying thing .
    | Posted on 2010-10-16 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


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