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I want to find something beautiful
And destroy it
I want to find something pure
And corrupt it
I want to find somewhere tranquil
And tear the peace asunder
Leave the world in darkness
So I will never be alone
Submitted on 2010-10-16 11:30:16
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I like the way that you've set up this poem. It is simple and clear, and it gets its point across.
I see that you've already edited once, but there is just one thing else that I would like to see changed, or at least explained.
Why is it that you will never be alone if the world is in darkness? I would think that you would be more lonely than before, if everything is destroyed and gone.
It would make more sense to me if the poem ended with something like:
"Leave the world in chaos
So I will never be alone"
"Leave the world in darkness
So I can finally be alone"
or something along one of those lines.
Of course, that is merely a suggestion. And other than that, I see nothing that needs to be changed. Great job!
| Posted on 2010-10-24 00:00:00 | by
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Although these are lofty and poetic goals indeed you have misspelled tear . That's right it spells the same as the crying thing .
| Posted on 2010-10-16 00:00:00 | by
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