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    dots Submission Name: How Man?dots

    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 375


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow Man?dots

    I once was a boy

    Who became a man

    Or so I’d like to believe

    For neither clothing nor time makes a man

    Equipment makes the male

    But how does one become a man

    In a land where desire makes whores of us all

    And GOD is forbidden to speak in the public fourm

    Submitted on 2010-10-16 11:32:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    I really enjoyed this write, although I wish you would dig a little deeper and make it a little longer.
    Nevertheless, the question of how a boy becomes a man is riddle among the masses.
    The last line tells all though.

    Nice job

    | Posted on 2011-03-23 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      This sort of comes across as a public service announcement/didactic

    however, I do appreciate the thought paths that some of the lines lead me down, especially the one about desire and what makes a man: that's an interesting question, desire makes man through the union of man and woman (fracking)

    but the question is interesting because cells make every part of a man and a woman, code tells this cell and that cell to join together and make all the specifics that constitute us, our forms and identities etc.

    It interests me that love is most likely just another form of coding. Here I go... on about the salmon again, but why go through all that hardship for a shallow root and to die? and then when you compare that to us, perhaps there's just as much hardship only with seemingly more advanced coding.

    That's pretty dry, I still think that love is the purpose of it all I just wish it was easier to nail down and keep it for our own and make the most of the life thing.

    I think that with some judicious pruning/reshaping & subtle touches this one could shine.

    | Posted on 2010-10-16 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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