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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: verily,dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: caster
    ASL Info:    31.M.MO
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 136/280/161
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 617
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1521



    Description:
       about: mortality.

    feedback: thoughts. no technical critiques.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsverily,dots
    -------------------------------------------


    and the rosary hammered to my chest

    swung like a quiet idol but

    didn't do a thing for the guilt

    or the blood on my shovel hands


    been living in a church with no name

    been dying to escape

    but i found a way


    i found a way/

    i found a grave


    saw my brother go down

    settled like a millstone in the sea

    pulled ashore by the holy ghost

    or something equally contagious


    been locked up in room with no door

    been trying to relate

    but i found a way


    i found a way/

    i found a grave


    and i hope god is more than a mirror

    'cause i don't think i could take

    another eternity

    of looking back at me


    and i hope god is more...


    been fed so much hate with no remorse

    been feeling so sick

    but i found a way


    i found a way

    i found a way

    i found a way

    i found a way

    i found a grave

    i found a grave

    i found a grave

    i found a grave


    and i pray

    that god

    is more than

    a pretty name

    for a grave




    Submitted on 2010-10-16 22:00:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      some thoughts..

    i often think about ego (the good and bad of it). how do you let it go? how do you let God in and ego go? sometimes i feel like i am in constant mourning. i mean how do you bury self and not be? it's a struggle.

    i find myself settling on the thought that life is a love lesson and i am not God.

    i have always loved this ee cummings poem:

    i thank You God for most this amazing
    day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
    and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
    which is natural which is infinite which is yes

    (i who have died am alive again today,
    and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
    day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
    great happening illimitably earth)

    how should tasting touching hearing seeing
    breathing any--lifted from the no
    of all nothing--human merely being
    doubt unimaginable You?

    (now the ears of my ears awake and
    now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

    *******

    it's mostly the 'human merely being' part that gets me everytime.

    and me merely being? i am at my best when my hands are dirty.



    anyhoo... just thought i'd drop by.













    | Posted on 2010-10-19 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      I really really really like parts of this,
    even the cliché stuff is not too bad because it's altered slightly and there's a nice contagious effect about the rhythms and original lines you do put in.

    If it were mine i'd

    a)
    b)
    c)
    d)

    e)

    but I've been ruining everything I've tried to write for a while now, still it's about the attempt and the result.

    pretty namesake for and end?

    it's just that the repeat of a grave, a grave, a grave, a grave, was plentiful much much already.

    Things are slow here but I hope you get some specific comments because this has enough good going on to perk a reader up.
    | Posted on 2010-10-16 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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