Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Doesn't get any betterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blankscreen
    ASL Info:    22/f/NY
    Elite Ratio:    5.57 - 222/196/163
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 674
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 971



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoesn't get any betterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I walk around in circles because I am only half there
    Maimed by what you did to me
    I am broken right down through the center
    Shattered in pieces through the core
    I can’t sleep a night without waking up screaming
    Suffocated by my own tears
    I won’t sleep
    Afraid you’ll return
    Under the guise of turned-down eyelids
    And fabric softened sheets
    Like you could travel countries in my sleep
    When I talk
    I hear voices mimicking mine
    I’ve forgotten how to say it anyway
    Sometimes an actress is better than whole
    Because I haven’t glued
    Or sewed
    Or knitted my shadow back on me just yet
    3 years down the road
    All I have gotten is a half broken heart
    Eyes which won’t shut
    And a voice that isn’t there
    I am maimed by my past
    And I am only half whole
    Pacing in circles from what you did to me.




    Submitted on 2010-10-21 00:02:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You have succeeded in being blatant in emotion and obscure in reasoning. This piece makes one wonder to the state of the author. Could this be serious out pouring of legitimate emotion? Perhaps it could be simply anchored in against? We are left guessing, and ultimately to decide for ourselves (we the readers). This is a brilliant writing strategy because so long as the audience doesnt just out right dismiss the work, it will more often than not make a personal connection to the reader. People tend to enjoy more the work they feel has a connection to them on a personal level. Reaching these personal levels is how the author reaches out and speaks to his readers. Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2010-10-21 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    187467

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry