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    dots Submission Name: what midnight ownsdots

    Author: Runes
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790/815/281
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1600
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1852


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhat midnight ownsdots

    the night has long fingers, pulls me
    down into its darkness, pushes
    my friends away on trains and buses
    to distant cities I no longer love, takes
    away the things I do, throws me into
    walls and windows and sad memories
    makes the birds scream and ghosts dance
    shows me red glowing eyes, makes me see
    Death hung over them all like gauze wrappings
    confuses, belittles
    makes nothing of tangible moments, makes
    animals of humans, makes thin air
    a choking thing to suffocate straining lungs
    Erases screams, Erases
    and You
    and You
    when I try to keep the pictures in form...
    the night has long fingers, closing over
    my missing hands, my missing heart
    that still beats somehow, that hammers
    wildly against the walls of bone
    and flesh, and breaths are too hard to
    and take
    and take
    over and over again through the smoke
    but I make myself take them, even when
    there is no reason to take another
    or believe another or risk another
    pushing me along... the night has fingers
    without form, and I have form without feeling
    anything but gone, but I am not gone yet
    I remain as steadily vacant as the night
    and my fingers stretch like heaven
    for things that are lost and gone
    to hold myself in daylight, to hold on
    like the pictures I captured
    when I couldn't capture
    and You
    and You
    and make this world your home...
    the night has long fingers, and they place
    quarters over blind eyes, they smooth
    sheets and make warm beds cold, they close
    over me like a bird imprisoned, and carry
    me carefully along.

    Submitted on 2010-10-21 13:19:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the way this carried me along. I liked it up until the closing lines

    They do not love, can never love,
    but they offer comfort when everything else
    is finally silent, missing, gone.

    These lines are too telly, consider leaving them out and ending on the strong image here:

    they close
    over me like a bird imprisoned, and carry
    me carefully along.

    | Posted on 2010-12-13 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      This should be published. Just got a new job so I'm so tired I'm feverish but I think in the end that added to the haunting and lasting effect of these words. I agree with Rex that the redundant sentences add a... I can't even form my thoughts enough to say exactly what but it was very effective.

    This is really different for you while still being uniquely "you" in its style, and I think that says a lot. That you can write those sardonic pieces with such devastating precision and yet still be able to be gentle, like you have here.

    So good to see you back:)

    | Posted on 2010-10-22 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay you know what.These could have also been lyrics too.But I also see it wasn't your intention to do so.I was reading this, I was singing and harmonizing it.It's very radiant.I swear this would sound so goo sung.Pretty coolz.Title is in check.And the damn form is so well balanced

    and you
    and you

    and take
    and take were nice little add on components to me.
    It says agony and ecstasy.

    | Posted on 2010-10-22 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      This seems as though it is written by one on the edge of child and adulthoods. Learning to recognize loss and then to accept what you have recognized. To realize the world is cold and dark, but not seeing does not mean we are alone. While I tend to lean much more toward “simple” work and pieces being my preference, I also have a deep felt love for the raw, and complex as the works was, it was very cathartic and that makes it extremely raw in its emotion. I wish I could offer you some criticism or something in the way of improvement, but I cannot. Were it my piece I wouldn’t dare change a thing for fear of killing it, and would be very proud of my finished product. Kudos to you for rising above the mediocre efforts, so often the fodder of this site. Thanks for the good read.
    | Posted on 2010-10-21 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      Jen, this reminds me of the time when I took a plane ride from Ilo-ilo to Manila.

    It was during a time before I was supposed to make an important semi-life changing decision concerning my life in the city. It was a night flight so everything was quiet and I couldn't use my discman (yes it was during the time of discmans) because I ran out of battery.

    The silence was painful because it reminded me of things that I didn't want to remember; like how much I feared what waited for me in Manila. But then again, as I opened the window, Manila looked different. In the darkness, I couldn't see the pollution prevalent during the time of discmans, I couldn't see the vision of my future and I couldn't see the things that I feared. All I could see was lights... a mess of beautiful lights.

    As usual, your playfulness in tackling hardship amuses me. It's like the song writing of Craig Finn or Matt Berninger: the undercurrent of tragedy flows beneath sarcastic puns. Of course, your wording in this piece is not really sarcastic but the spirit of not-taking-it-seriously to take it seriously is there.

    I think you are one of those people who welcome night pretty well...

    and I so wouldn't mind being around seeing you do it.

    *throws panties, suppositories and jock straps at you.

    Smell my admiration.
    | Posted on 2010-10-21 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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