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what midnight owns

Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 282
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1864
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1852


what midnight owns

the night has long fingers, pulls me
down into its darkness, pushes
my friends away on trains and buses
to distant cities I no longer love, takes
away the things I do, throws me into
walls and windows and sad memories
makes the birds scream and ghosts dance
shows me red glowing eyes, makes me see
Death hung over them all like gauze wrappings
confuses, belittles
makes nothing of tangible moments, makes
animals of humans, makes thin air
a choking thing to suffocate straining lungs
Erases screams, Erases
and You
and You
when I try to keep the pictures in form...
the night has long fingers, closing over
my missing hands, my missing heart
that still beats somehow, that hammers
wildly against the walls of bone
and flesh, and breaths are too hard to
and take
and take
over and over again through the smoke
but I make myself take them, even when
there is no reason to take another
or believe another or risk another
pushing me along... the night has fingers
without form, and I have form without feeling
anything but gone, but I am not gone yet
I remain as steadily vacant as the night
and my fingers stretch like heaven
for things that are lost and gone
to hold myself in daylight, to hold on
like the pictures I captured
when I couldn't capture
and You
and You
and make this world your home...
the night has long fingers, and they place
quarters over blind eyes, they smooth
sheets and make warm beds cold, they close
over me like a bird imprisoned, and carry
me carefully along.

Submitted on 2010-10-21 13:19:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I liked the way this carried me along. I liked it up until the closing lines

They do not love, can never love,
but they offer comfort when everything else
is finally silent, missing, gone.

These lines are too telly, consider leaving them out and ending on the strong image here:

they close
over me like a bird imprisoned, and carry
me carefully along.

| Posted on 2010-12-13 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
  This should be published. Just got a new job so I'm so tired I'm feverish but I think in the end that added to the haunting and lasting effect of these words. I agree with Rex that the redundant sentences add a... I can't even form my thoughts enough to say exactly what but it was very effective.

This is really different for you while still being uniquely "you" in its style, and I think that says a lot. That you can write those sardonic pieces with such devastating precision and yet still be able to be gentle, like you have here.

So good to see you back:)

| Posted on 2010-10-22 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
  Okay you know what.These could have also been lyrics too.But I also see it wasn't your intention to do so.I was reading this, I was singing and harmonizing it.It's very radiant.I swear this would sound so goo sung.Pretty coolz.Title is in check.And the damn form is so well balanced

and you
and you

and take
and take were nice little add on components to me.
It says agony and ecstasy.

| Posted on 2010-10-22 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
  This seems as though it is written by one on the edge of child and adulthoods. Learning to recognize loss and then to accept what you have recognized. To realize the world is cold and dark, but not seeing does not mean we are alone. While I tend to lean much more toward “simple” work and pieces being my preference, I also have a deep felt love for the raw, and complex as the works was, it was very cathartic and that makes it extremely raw in its emotion. I wish I could offer you some criticism or something in the way of improvement, but I cannot. Were it my piece I wouldn’t dare change a thing for fear of killing it, and would be very proud of my finished product. Kudos to you for rising above the mediocre efforts, so often the fodder of this site. Thanks for the good read.
| Posted on 2010-10-21 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
  Jen, this reminds me of the time when I took a plane ride from Ilo-ilo to Manila.

It was during a time before I was supposed to make an important semi-life changing decision concerning my life in the city. It was a night flight so everything was quiet and I couldn't use my discman (yes it was during the time of discmans) because I ran out of battery.

The silence was painful because it reminded me of things that I didn't want to remember; like how much I feared what waited for me in Manila. But then again, as I opened the window, Manila looked different. In the darkness, I couldn't see the pollution prevalent during the time of discmans, I couldn't see the vision of my future and I couldn't see the things that I feared. All I could see was lights... a mess of beautiful lights.

As usual, your playfulness in tackling hardship amuses me. It's like the song writing of Craig Finn or Matt Berninger: the undercurrent of tragedy flows beneath sarcastic puns. Of course, your wording in this piece is not really sarcastic but the spirit of not-taking-it-seriously to take it seriously is there.

I think you are one of those people who welcome night pretty well...

and I so wouldn't mind being around seeing you do it.

*throws panties, suppositories and jock straps at you.

Smell my admiration.
| Posted on 2010-10-21 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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