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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Willow dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: monad
    ASL Info:    64/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1082/406/116
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 575



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWillow dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The lonely willow feels the call
    Beside a windswept waterfall
    The pool of water at its feet
    Crystal blue so wild and deep
    Is flowing to the endless sea
    While singing songs in harmony

    The lighthouse flashes warning calls
    A sailing ship so fair and tall
    Navigates a course to meet
    The lonely songs that ring so sweet
    The old familiar call at sea
    That beckons endless harmony





    Submitted on 2010-10-24 00:30:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Thanks for recomending this, I enjoyed it. I dont very well know how to say much for a comment, it was sweet and tender and the imagery you used made it so. I enjoyed it. Easy on the mind and refreshing.
    | Posted on 2015-01-04 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      More simplicity...singleness...a moment in time where I am the willow, hearing the water and song in harmonious laughter...peace...
    | Posted on 2014-01-30 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhythm, the beat of this is good. It pours into the mind and from the mouth then into the ears smoothly. It's very visual. Everything it conjurs is right there, front and center. Beautiful imagery. I like rhyming pieces when they have a definite flow. This one has that. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2013-06-30 00:00:00 | by CNPerry | [ Reply to This ]
      This one's been off your page awhile, eh?

    I've tried to read this from two perspectives.

    Reading this as an anonymous post, I'd say this has precise meter and rhyme, and is lovely in it's images; nostalgic/reflective and rather sunny and hopeful. A nice effort that could use polish to bring out the shine.

    Reading this with my personal experience with your other posts, I'd say I just heard Captain Spock singing along to the Mary Poppins soundtrack...
    with a smile.

    An enlightening read. No references needed. My brain thanks you.
    | Posted on 2012-01-29 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      nicely done. im not a fan of strict form/meter, but this really excels. im a more free verse/deep poet. there is a staccato-softness to this piece. they is great end rhymes and potent imagery.

    how you keep the willow the central figured is what i like best. its a contemporary of the golden age of poetry.


    great job.

    -john-paul
    | Posted on 2011-02-14 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed reading this piece. The rhyming is quite nice...and it flows from one line to the next. It' doesn't sound forced, as I often see.

    I did notice one small error...the third line should be "its" and not "it's". A minor thing to correct...

    Peace!
    | Posted on 2010-11-30 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      this makes me think of a female artist with a lifetime of sorroe, used to color her art. maybe not soley sorrow. the lighthouse is like her conventional understanding./the sailing ship her wandering mind. how she always ventures to sea but comes back again. this could work for any artform in my opinion. i wish you'd do more stuff like this. actually. the overly complex stuff has it's place and i understand why you do it. more as a personal tool for dissecting relationships etc/or sharing for the sake of others, but you could do alot with simpler structure and more story telling it seems. i'd like to read something like this from you much longer, if you got anything let me know. it worked well for a story type poem/and still written in a way that had me thinking which i like from poetry.
    | Posted on 2010-11-11 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one. The meter is superb. It think it's original to describe water as wild as waterfalls as windswept. I don't think this could be better, unless you wanted to add punctuation here or there to help the reader, but that depends on your opinion. I like how you smoothly connected a lighthouse and a willow tree, and ended both the paragraphs similarly, but not the same. Thanks for sharing this one.
    Katriana
    | Posted on 2010-11-09 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]
      there is an individual style that each of us as writers must discover. A true voice if you will. I like this because after reading some of your other works and then this, I feel like this is you coming a little closer to that individual style.

    Obviously you possess talent. I can't wait to see the finished result of your vocabulary play and some of the other styles you experiment with.

    Keep it up man.


    Fizz
    | Posted on 2010-10-28 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      bruce,

    basically your rhythm is excellent. the couple of times you use so it's obviously as metrical padding and that gives me a soft-on because it's amateur night.

    we're all amateurs but that doesn't mean it's an aiming point.

    what i like most about the poem is that the willow is a fixed object

    and the direction of (the desire) the poem runs out to sea

    and then in toward land (if i have it right)

    i like that, it's like the constant is that we are always wanting something.
    | Posted on 2010-10-24 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      While this poem has several excellent images, and is beginning to paint a picture, I can't really get a good idea of the whole thing. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say.

    I would recommend writing it again, but without rhyming. Try to get as simple as you can get, and then embellish and add the wonderful imagery. Dive down deep and unearth the heart.

    I really loved "windswept waterfall", though.

    --Jane
    | Posted on 2010-10-24 00:00:00 | by WhatYouWill | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    187500

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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