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    dots Submission Name: Persuasion dots

    Author: monad
    ASL Info:    64/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1092/410/117
    Words: 380
    Class/Type: Spoof/Comedy
    Total Views: 1434
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2135


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    dotsPersuasion dots

    As I contemplated the project of writing a persuasive essay I discovered that I would have to have a topic upon which to practice my persuasive techniques . After much cogitation and enumeration of my possibilities , pursued with such zeal that it soon resembled pedantic ostentation , I concluded that the most positive prospect I could pursue in this endeavor would be an attempt to prove irrefutably that I deserve a grade of A in this class ; if not for the undeniable excellence of my effort , then at least for the unadulterated audacity of my pretentious assertion .

    In order to perform this feat first I must overwhelm your developing consternation , the frozen mastodon of your auspicious judition . To accomplish this I will cite my impeccable attendance ; which although not perfect was indeed a valiant effort in the face of public opinion whose abstinence approached epidemic proportions . I will expound on the effectual and pervasive inspirations of my in class commentary , which sparked many a heated argument or thoughtful conjecture ; and comment on the polished precision of my in class narration . I will reiterate the diversity and intrigue of my subject matter and the competence of my delivery .

    Next , with all the dynamic aggression of a wind-up tyrannosaur , I will recapitulate and exemplify my arguments ; until the ramifications of my inductive collusions exceed the boundaries of your psychic phenomenon and you are forced to acquiesce into impunity . Yes I will indeed proceed to exceed the parameters of your mind , until mesmerized by the multitudes of analogous content you find yourself , disguised as captain corpuscle , floating euphorically down stream in a think box mind gram dingy towards a sea of Colorado cool aid . Then as if all that were not enough to thoroughly torque your ringer , adamant and tenacious I will portray realms of intellectual austerity so intriguing you will be raised to new heights of enigmatism , and then I will leave you , enraptured with your own anonymity , at the edge of the new world freeway .

    Submitted on 2010-10-25 12:52:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You already knew this post would tickle my fancy.
    Thanks. ;)
    | Posted on 2013-09-19 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed this...the tyrannosaur part..yes...

    "the unadulterated audacity of my pretentious assertion"

    if anything , teach, i'll get you so confused by my volatile verbosity that i will wound you with wound up utterances, you'll have no choice but to slipslide me with a salacious step up to an "A"--

    my persuasion will persevere periodically planted in permiscuous perfundity.

    ugh, see what you did, Monad?

    i'm a profusion of reactive rhetoric.

    | Posted on 2011-03-16 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't know if i'm missing something here but i think this is hilarious. i've tried doing stuff like this in classes before, but no one EVER got it. it works, it makes sense and it's a demonstration of persuasive writing all the while describing what you're doing as you're doing it. but ultimately, it's just hilarious.
    | Posted on 2010-10-29 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok what are 2 dollar words?

    Anyways this piece is written is a style that I cannot really appreciate for what it is but I have to commend your auspicious reflectivity conjured in these isms.

    I ponder and succumb to knowing the start caused a bit of a stumble but once I got into it it inda made me smirk, "torque your ringer" that was the best line for me! Even though the reading was tedious because of formatting I still could see some talent flowing through.

    I give it a 5
    | Posted on 2010-10-28 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha! I think this is great!

    (I believe Mister Fizzle may have missed out on the class/type notation on this piece...)

    This is a fantastic spoof of persuasion, and a wonderful example of how one can both dazzle an audience with brilliance and baffle them with bullsh!t!
    Orwell would be proud of doublespeak like this.
    As a matter of fact, all you'd have to do is change the topic to "why my bill should be passed" and this could run on CSPAN.

    I liked the two-dollar words and the humorous approach.
    Thanks for the laughs.
    | Posted on 2010-10-27 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      this is terrible. you haven't persuaded me to do anything except maybe throw my Thesaraus away.

    You have so many 2 dollar words in there it's almost like your trying to dazzle the reader with your vocabulary. You'll either have them running for a dictionary or just walking away from it. Which do you think is more likely?

    Your doing yourself an injustice. Your hiding whatever content, however interesting and persuasive, behind outrageous dialogue.

    I say try again and write it as you would speak it. And try to find something to be persuasive about instead of just talking about how your going to.

    | Posted on 2010-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]

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