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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The New Improved Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dthforeverpain8
    ASL Info:    17/Female/TMON
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 112/217/289
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 690
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 699



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe New Improved Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Creeping
    Sleeping
    Playing
    Praying

    Anger
    Danger
    Tears
    Mirrors

    I don't want to see your face
    I need to sleep but cant retrace
    The steps i took away from you
    Until i make a new breakthrough

    Broken
    Disoriented

    I could really use a smoke.
    A drink
    Anything.

    I'm dying on the inside right now.

    But don't worry.
    It'll all be over soon

    And i'll be back to the same bitch
    Without feelings
    Without love
    Only hate.

    Only
    Me.






    Submitted on 2010-10-25 18:24:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think the structure is a little uneven. It starts off very measured and melodic. Then breaks into more of a free form piece. Finally, towards the end it sounds more like introspection than poetry really.

    I think you have some great ideas here but walk a fine line and are close to sounding cliché also as I said the structure could be tightened up.

    FIz
    | Posted on 2010-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


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