Smoke Sky Canvas

Author: clovernfoxglove Elite Ratio:    6.13 - 134 /145 /43 Words: 66

Class/Type: Poetry / Total Views: 1201 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 584

Description:

---

Smoke Sky Canvas

---

Gray canvas, many layered, spilling spheres with a surface purpose. Lingering fingers,curving smoke-like white scattered across billowing slate cumulus. Autumnal thunderstorms, pernicious, radiating cyclonic energy release downpours on waiting, thirsty earth. Shed leaf corpses soak and sop in muted shades of umber orange gold maroon. Fire in water, a smoke-sky creation last stop before winter powder. All aboard.

Submitted on 2010-10-27 20:51:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

This is heavenly peaceful. I like the winter powder at the end especially (altho I like it all especially), tho knowing you mean snow, I think of winter as a shotgun blast because it kills the colors finally, it kills and lays down the fire of seasons past, ends the year in monotones, ends it all until some gentle spring whispers to them again to Try... Rise... Bloom. Winter is the gunpowder poison of all but crocus and evergreens... Holly doesn't count because it is vicious and its berries are merely blood drops against the white. You are definitely talented... I've seen your name often. I don't know why I never tripped over until now, but I don't get around much except to re-visit. I should have brought a cake along, I feel woefully short-handed and unprepared for what I walked into today.

| Posted on 2010-11-08 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]

Basically I think this is quite nice, and I think you've done well because this type of reporting poetry/haiku-ish poetry can be a bit dry but I get a sense of the bigger than me thing you have going on here, and... I like the choppy rhythm, it allows for the accumulation effect giving the poem emotional momentum. I would like to see you play around with this poem because I feel you could use enjambment/formatting to have the diction and meaning of the thing really work for you. Essentially you have nature and personification (of sorts) going on, so if the poem can say weather and suggest emotional states then all the better. very nice to read you again. db

| Posted on 2010-10-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

187559