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Smoke Sky Canvas

Author: clovernfoxglove
Elite Ratio:    6.13 - 134 /145 /43
Words: 66
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1201
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 584


Just a survey of surroundings today. Cold rain, thunder and lightining, and beautiful fall foliage make up the bulk of inspiration. Thanks for reading!

Smoke Sky Canvas

Gray canvas, many layered, spilling spheres
with a surface purpose.
Lingering fingers,curving smoke-like
scattered across billowing slate cumulus.

Autumnal thunderstorms,
radiating cyclonic energy
release downpours on waiting, thirsty earth.

Shed leaf corpses soak and sop
in muted shades of umber

Fire in water,
a smoke-sky creation
last stop before winter powder.

All aboard.

Submitted on 2010-10-27 20:51:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This is heavenly peaceful. I like the winter powder at the end especially (altho I like it all especially), tho knowing you mean snow, I think of winter as a shotgun blast because it kills the colors finally, it kills and lays down the fire of seasons past, ends the year in monotones, ends it all until some gentle spring whispers to them again to Try... Rise... Bloom. Winter is the gunpowder poison of all but crocus and evergreens...

Holly doesn't count because it is vicious and its berries are merely blood drops against the white.

You are definitely talented... I've seen your name often. I don't know why I never tripped over until now, but I don't get around much except to re-visit. I should have brought a cake along, I feel woefully short-handed and unprepared for what I walked into today.
| Posted on 2010-11-08 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
  Basically I think this is quite nice,
and I think you've done well
because this type of reporting
poetry/haiku-ish poetry can be a bit dry

but I get a sense of the bigger than me thing
you have going on here, and... I like the choppy
rhythm, it allows for the accumulation effect giving the poem emotional momentum.

I would like to see you play around with this poem because I feel you could use enjambment/formatting
to have the diction and meaning of the thing really work for you. Essentially you have nature and personification (of sorts) going on, so if the poem can say weather and suggest emotional states then all the better.

very nice to read you again.


| Posted on 2010-10-27 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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