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    dots Submission Name: Crack in the Framedots

    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 523
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 992


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrack in the Framedots

    So what will you do?
    You know how the rinse and repeat turns
    And comes back for you
    Think you can cope next time it burns?

    You should know I'll try
    To keep the cycle at bay
    As much time as I can buy
    But it's merely futile delay

    Because when I cry
    She's the past that's on my mind
    Though by and by
    She'll be what I seek to find

    I don't want to be the villain
    I don't even wish this true
    Yet, I have noone to instill in
    My heartache belongs not to you

    I don't know why
    We get along just fine
    No secrets or lies
    Never once crossed the line

    But I've put much thought and time in this
    I know what, but why I can't see
    And when you're gone you're quite missed
    But Somehow, you don't complete me

    Guess I'm broken.

    Submitted on 2010-10-27 20:54:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with mister fizz's analysis on what you're writing here. i just wanted to state that alost of these stanzas would make pretty good alternative(mainstream alternative) lyrics. just needs a chorus. might be fun to try and do something like that.
    | Posted on 2010-10-29 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      First let me say I like the idea of this piece. "Crack In The Frame" to me implies a relationship of sorts that is missing something. It appears great from every angle but yet...something lacks. Like a thirst that you cannot quench with anything in your refrigerator.

    So A+ on content, it is interesting.

    I like how you put this to rhyme. Kind of adds a light hearted tongue in cheek feel to it.

    I felt the meter was a little off in places. It kind of makes you stumble as you read it. Makes the piece appear a little more clumsy than it should.

    So I would say great effort, think about the meter and what you might do to tighten it up.

    | Posted on 2010-10-28 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]

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