I long to rewind these years
take the knowledge I have gained and go back in time with it
I wish I would be graduating college right now rather than being the freshman I am
I long to take back that night I felt I had to end my life in order to end my drug habit
To go back in time and stand up for myself
Take back my pride he stole has he abused me each night
Be a stronger women than I was...
Than I am...
I'd go to my High School Prom
Would have left him sooner
Kicked my habit before pulling the trigger
If I could I'd take it all back without a second thought
No longer would I live with these scars of my solid suicide
I'd not have these regrets
I would be sleeping right now at 4am rather than writing my sorrows out for all to see
My pain boils over
My heart aches to travel to my past
…Yet my desires will never become more than desires.
I can only hope as the years come and pass I can find it easier
to sleep these cold lonely nights ignore my undying urge to some how… do the impossible
I think we all can't help but think back in time, and wish we could be allowed to go back and correct our mistakes; we all make them.
But what we learn from our mistakes creates wisdom and lends to our unique character. For all eternity, you will be the only person to walk the earth that is uniquely like you. You are truly one of a kind, and no one else ever will ever exist that is exactly like you!
None of us can go back in time my friend. If we could then the lessons learned would somehow pale in meaning both for us and for others. For what we go through, come out of , and live in spite of we are the people that we have come to see in the mirror reflecting itself back at us. And no we should not have to endure the pain the abuse the hardships that a lot of us have had to overcome to be who we are today. But would we be what we have become. We have had the opertunity to help others with just our own pain, and the knowledge that they are not alone.
I wish for you you could go back and erase so much of what no child should have to go through, and the nightmare of what was your child hood. I wish that I would have known you before that dreadful point in time when you put a shot gun to your stomach and just wanted it all to end.
But... I am grateful that you did not succeed and that I was allowed the honor of being brought into your pain to secondhand and then some be able to feel through your thoughts and words the world that you were and are expierencing.
Thank you for the chance to get to know you through your words through your thoughts. Thank you for not succeeding in ending your life that night. I think of you often my friend and wonder how you are. If you have traveled to a place in your heart where you can allow yourself peace yet.
Always here and hoping you know you are not alone.