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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Innocence Once Wasdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: coloredstone
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 99/60/37
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 720
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       October's theme was "Innocence." (Check out Buster's!) I've long loved Talib al-Habib's inference that Wisdom is the Refinding of Innocence. I believe that the innocent die young--for the old always outgrow it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInnocence Once Wasdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wisdom is the refinding of innocence.
    --Talib al-Habib

    This dry, barren land, too, was once alive
    with scented flowers and heavenly showers,
    (now dried petals and dessicated memories)
    Fistfuls of blissful blessings--and children's joy
    (then open hands closed, and so the heart died.)

    These cracks that snake upon its parched surface now
    Are impressions left by a cruel self-inflicted drought
    (divine rain had been for mortal pools of earth exchanged)
    That throttled, each grain of dust and each blade of grass!
    (then the soul shall thirst, and so the heart shall cry.)

    The tears that will flow can quench this thirst,
    Spawn and spring into streams of faith and trust
    (Where it once was dry, again life can thrive)
    But Wisdom must emerge after Innocence has died,
    (then the mind will remember, and so the heart be satisfied.)




    Submitted on 2010-10-30 16:38:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow. this is very nice, i love this. ive struggled with thoughts of losing my innocence and i usually wish that i still had it. i know its a part of life and all that but still its a little sad sometimes. good write!
    | Posted on 2010-12-17 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstly i must say majestically written!

    After i wrote mine and now reading yours I realized that loosing innocence is inevitable. Though mine takes a more morbid turn yours (and i think that only you would write this... in a great way) seems to take the beautiful route! Something so hard to attain you make it sound so easy to attain. You make it possible to be inspired. Some wont give a whip at it because it sounds so impossible. Because its never and always and hate and love that we hold on to as humans, unable to see past that momentary emotion.

    Now to that actual write.

    "Wisdom is the refinding of innocence."
    I think it is an amazing point. but i don't quite see it. I don't necessarily disagree. because i think innocence in some manners is a lack of understanding or if people try to spare it they fail at living life. In my eyes life is about loosing innocence to an extent. I think that Attaining wisdom is like using the loss in the proper way. (like understanding others and not saying the wrong things at the wrong time.) Its not like I'm pro corruption but i am pro trying to understand and being careful. I am trying to say that innocence is hand in hand with naiveness and the loss is sometimes good and wisdom is gained to use that knowledge in the right way. gah. i don't know if that made any sense.

    "These cracks that snake upon its parched surface now
    Are impressions left by a cruel self-inflicted drought
    (divine rain had been for mortal pools of earth exchanged)"

    I love these lines! I see the similarity between our two.. it makes me happy.

    "The tears that will flow can quench this thirst,
    Spawn and spring into streams of faith and trust"

    Now i am speechless. i can imagine the streams that smell and taste like the real tears that feel immense loss.

    "But Wisdom must emerge after Innocence has died,"

    You win some you loose some. In this case gladly (wisdom is awesome.)

    From this months project and time spent on it I have learned alot. And to you i have to partially thank for that.
    Scooby Snacks for two?

    Oh and for mine what do you think i can do for my black and white and what would it merge to?... i draw a blank. because pure and stained would merge to....

    Fana.
    | Posted on 2010-11-18 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      Just browsing, and another look at your poem.

    It came to me that maybe you wanted to avoid the end-rhyming of last 2 lines, and could not find a substitute for "satisfied." What do you think of:-
    But Wisdom will emerge after Innocence has fled,
    (then the mind will remember, and the heart be at peace.)
    Just a thought. Ted.
    | Posted on 2010-11-12 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautifully written, with a great rhythm and pace. It seems as though this is an elegantly composed examinaion of the human spirit and condition. I love the subtle beauty and depth of thought that this exudes.
    The first line is a little stilted, but on the whole it is great.
    | Posted on 2010-11-01 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      A good interesting pattern-less rhythm of 4 ft per line. The last line seems forced and spoils it for me, suggest delete the "so" for it to read

    (then the mind will remember, and the heart be satisfied.)
    | Posted on 2010-10-31 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]


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