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    dots Submission Name: The Only One I loveddots

    Author: KindredSpirit
    ASL Info:    20, Male, Burlington Iowa
    Elite Ratio:    2 - 54/139/173
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 461
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 794

       I wrote this after listening to CoF and thinking about the only person I've ever loved. Thus I began to write this. I have a tendancy to stray from the point in most of my work, and I doubt i've fixed it in this one. But the truth is I never strayed from the point, I just jump around i suppose and it makes it harder for the reader to understand the full meanings behind my works... but none the less i still would love to see what you all think of this!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Only One I loveddots

    Alone in the darkest place.
    Haunted by your face.
    I feed off torment, pleasure come,
    Amidst the fiery and desolate one.
    Will you never say grace?
    Will you be erased?
    My memory haunts and jags my mind.
    Inside I feel inevitably confined.

    At last the tides recede.
    My heart begins to bleed.
    I fear the arrogant sun.
    That blasted foolish one.
    So I grab my knife,
    And begin to fight,
    That loathsome darkened bum.

    The gash pours its soul.
    I see the crimson hole.
    I laugh and cry,
    Panic inside,
    Though I no longer have to hide.
    At last the time has come.
    Dead to all but some.
    Reminisce on past fun.
    To the only one I loved.

    Submitted on 2010-11-06 22:15:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i really liked it.. poetry doesnt have to rhyme or be neat, its really all about how it makes you feel. goodjob! and keep it up
    | Posted on 2010-11-09 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece could definitely use some work.. But, I'm not one to criticize too strongly as I don't know the first thing about revision. I don't particularly care for the simplicity of the rhymes, but, I understand the feeling very well and the way you convey it seems to have come naturally.
    | Posted on 2010-11-07 00:00:00 | by MyWorld | [ Reply to This ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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