The Breath of Change -------------------------------------------
a soft wind crosses the skies of night
too gently sets those sails within
as many days are lost to sight
becalming voyages ere has been
while mortals laugh and gods do cry
and both become the hare of Spring
to never yet see eye to eye
as chaos laughs and starts again
This makes me think of getting nowhere fast, good intentions which are never implemented, time passing too quickly with nothing accomplished....but I don't know if I'm sailing the right course with these ideas. It's just inaccessible enough to leave me pondering...in a good way.
I have been thinking about this one.
Spring has made gods and men her hare so she is hounding them to change. Does this have anything to do with (again) not rhyming? In the beginning, the sails are set too gently. Who set these sails? Was it the soft wind? The soft wind then has become the breath of change. I am guessing here that becalmed voyages are not a reference to the Sargasso Sea. The Sargasso Sea who is the mother of all becalmed seas, No I assume the reference is just to the bad luck of sailors in general. Yet Spring hares God and mortal.
In addition, Spring seems to be in cahoots with Chaos. Maybe it is all just Chaos masquerading as Spring, Chaos is a chameleon and Lady Luck is the only one
I know of who can outwit her. Well I cannot really say I have figured anything out all I know is I had fun getting here.
Wherever it is I am I am changed.
Very nice and down to the point. Chaos is the start to everything in the world. Without it there is no peace. Even religiously, in the beginning there was chaos, to cleanse the impure there was chaos, to restart the economy there is chaos. So let the Gods cry and bring something new this time around.
I believe Miss Emily has had an influence on you. I'm not so familiar with Keats; but, this does have a Dickinson kinda flavor to it. And I like that a lot!
I also like how you ended; the last two lines could be translated into a ying yang/mandala combanation if one could translate words directly into images.
This is beautiful my friend, as usual. I expect nothing less. It achieves an almost Keats-like feel the diction, though it's a lttler simpler. I enjoy that it's simpler.
I think, by far my favorite lines were:
"becalming voyages ere has been
while mortals laugh and gods do cry"
That is really lovely and expressive. I'm awed at your ability to capture something so complex in just two well-placed lines. I always try to take something with me from the poetry I read. What I am taking from this is a lesson in line placement and precise diction.
I sincerely enjoy your poetry, and I am never disappointed. Well done, thank you for sharing!