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    dots Submission Name: The Breath of Changedots

    Author: Blue Monk
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1556/457/118
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 325


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    dotsThe Breath of Changedots

    a soft wind crosses the skies of night
    too gently sets those sails within
    as many days are lost to sight
    becalming voyages ere has been
    while mortals laugh and gods do cry
    and both become the hare of Spring
    to never yet see eye to eye
    as chaos laughs and starts again

    Submitted on 2010-11-07 12:26:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      gee lloyd,

    i feel this one today, exactly...

    the strong breeze...switching to daylight savings..

    the atmosphere, warmth..it suddenly feels like spring...yesterday was in the 20's here...biting cold, raw..

    what a difference..spring's ship has come in...just wonder if it will anchor and stay.

    nice nice piece..yeah i know..

    we're not supposed to say "nice"
    | Posted on 2011-03-12 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I've always considered Spring to be the wildest season. The Witch Who Raises the Dead. This is really beautifully written.
    | Posted on 2010-12-15 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes me think of getting nowhere fast, good intentions which are never implemented, time passing too quickly with nothing accomplished....but I don't know if I'm sailing the right course with these ideas. It's just inaccessible enough to leave me pondering...in a good way.
    | Posted on 2010-12-10 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      I have been thinking about this one.
    Spring has made gods and men her hare so she is hounding them to change. Does this have anything to do with (again) not rhyming? In the beginning, the sails are set too gently. Who set these sails? Was it the soft wind? The soft wind then has become the breath of change. I am guessing here that becalmed voyages are not a reference to the Sargasso Sea. The Sargasso Sea who is the mother of all becalmed seas, No I assume the reference is just to the bad luck of sailors in general. Yet Spring hares God and mortal.
    In addition, Spring seems to be in cahoots with Chaos. Maybe it is all just Chaos masquerading as Spring, Chaos is a chameleon and Lady Luck is the only one
    I know of who can outwit her. Well I cannot really say I have figured anything out all I know is I had fun getting here.
    Wherever it is I am I am changed.
    Thank you.
    | Posted on 2010-11-30 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice rhyming scheme. I'd be curious in knowing if you use rhyming in addition to some sort of measure (counting) scheme.
    | Posted on 2010-11-30 00:00:00 | by krs3332003 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice and down to the point. Chaos is the start to everything in the world. Without it there is no peace. Even religiously, in the beginning there was chaos, to cleanse the impure there was chaos, to restart the economy there is chaos. So let the Gods cry and bring something new this time around.
    | Posted on 2010-11-26 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe Miss Emily has had an influence on you. I'm not so familiar with Keats; but, this does have a Dickinson kinda flavor to it. And I like that a lot!
    I also like how you ended; the last two lines could be translated into a ying yang/mandala combanation if one could translate words directly into images.

    Chaos will have its jokes...

    A wonderful piece, Lloyd! Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2010-11-13 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful my friend, as usual. I expect nothing less. It achieves an almost Keats-like feel the diction, though it's a lttler simpler. I enjoy that it's simpler.

    I think, by far my favorite lines were:

    "becalming voyages ere has been
    while mortals laugh and gods do cry"

    That is really lovely and expressive. I'm awed at your ability to capture something so complex in just two well-placed lines. I always try to take something with me from the poetry I read. What I am taking from this is a lesson in line placement and precise diction.

    I sincerely enjoy your poetry, and I am never disappointed. Well done, thank you for sharing!

    | Posted on 2010-11-08 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this. it's well executed. wisely stated.
    | Posted on 2010-11-07 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]

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