Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Philosophical Bentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AbsolutelyLost
    ASL Info:    27/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 54/41/33
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 674
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Philosophical Bentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In times like these, its just bizarre to be attempting to live,
    For its just a fear that keeps constantly pulling every eve.

    Is it worth to fight for the heart?
    Or is it just another matter left to start?
    Will there be a thought never, that comes straight from the heart,
    Without the fear of landing up somewhere ripped apart?

    I am not able to find a link between energy and synergy,
    As there is no rhythm in this anarchy.
    There is no room for free thoughts or eager hearts,
    Its just a misconception full of magical arts.

    The only peace lies within pure tunes,
    Ripped open by numbed up goons.
    It's like in the valley that flows far across,
    Deep within the woods that engross.

    I can't write no more,
    There is no heart that feels,
    There is no gain in this constant pain,
    All there is, is just wish to be a kid again.




    Submitted on 2010-11-10 14:21:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't understand that first line. I mean, how can it be bizarre to be trying to live?

    The second line seems redundant:

    "that keeps constantly"

    but the more I read this poem the more I think that English is just not your first language. If so then I can respect trying to do something in another language.

    All I can say is that your not there yet my friend. There are subtleties upon subtleties to the English language, especially in dealing with poetry.

    Keep trying. This sounds like broken confusing English.


    Fizz
    | Posted on 2010-11-11 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    187750

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Linger written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Giving written by jjd
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry