Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Philosophical Bentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AbsolutelyLost
    ASL Info:    27/M/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 54/41/33
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 975



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Philosophical Bentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In times like these, its just bizarre to be attempting to live,
    For its just a fear that keeps constantly pulling every eve.

    Is it worth to fight for the heart?
    Or is it just another matter left to start?
    Will there be a thought never, that comes straight from the heart,
    Without the fear of landing up somewhere ripped apart?

    I am not able to find a link between energy and synergy,
    As there is no rhythm in this anarchy.
    There is no room for free thoughts or eager hearts,
    Its just a misconception full of magical arts.

    The only peace lies within pure tunes,
    Ripped open by numbed up goons.
    It's like in the valley that flows far across,
    Deep within the woods that engross.

    I can't write no more,
    There is no heart that feels,
    There is no gain in this constant pain,
    All there is, is just wish to be a kid again.




    Submitted on 2010-11-10 14:21:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't understand that first line. I mean, how can it be bizarre to be trying to live?

    The second line seems redundant:

    "that keeps constantly"

    but the more I read this poem the more I think that English is just not your first language. If so then I can respect trying to do something in another language.

    All I can say is that your not there yet my friend. There are subtleties upon subtleties to the English language, especially in dealing with poetry.

    Keep trying. This sounds like broken confusing English.


    Fizz
    | Posted on 2010-11-11 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    187750

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry