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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Gentleman Of Sortdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 318
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1498
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1994



    Description:
        Well, yet another midnight scribble of mine. Have you noticed that people are willing to do anything simply for a smile from the one that they love? I know I am.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Gentleman Of Sortdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Retract this needle
    And ignore the crimson droplets;
    Avert your gaze
    And pay me no mind.

    Tainted and forgotten
    Is the way this should be,
    So I'll spread my failures across this floor.
    I'll draw them out
    Inch by inch,
    Until all my fidelities leave me for a pauper.

    Is this love?
    These suicidal tendencies?
    Every time I fear I have wronged you
    The blade seems more and more inviting.
    But if I could bleed myself
    Of these inequeties,
    If somehow I could take this knife
    And carve you a king,
    Would you still love him?
    Would you forget that he is only a mask?
    But if he satisfied you
    I feel I would keep him on
    And masquerade as a gentleman of sort,
    Just for you.

    God, how I wish for perfection;
    That holy icon
    That even the gods would kill for.
    But if Zeus himself
    Cannot grasp this phantasm,
    What makes me think
    I can even comprehend it?
    What makes me think
    I am worthy of your love?
    And if I am not worthy,
    What good is mine?
    My love is merely an afterthought
    In the corners of your mind.
    And no matter how many times
    You say that I speak falsely,
    I still feel that I
    Must make myself worthy to you.

    So tell me what you want,
    I can be it.
    Tell me what you need,
    I'll retrieve it.
    Tell me what to say,
    I can pretend it.
    But I won 't pretend
    That I don't love you,
    What else could drive me to do this?

    Next to you
    I feel so small,
    And every downcast eye
    Is another nail in my cofffin.
    But because of you
    Nothing else matters
    And I'm willing to do anything
    For that rarity,
    That dawn of smile.





    Submitted on 2004-07-27 00:06:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      MMmmm... forgot ONE thing! (You're not going to like me for this): In the fourth stanza you write "God how I wish for perfection;" -- this is grammatically wrong for the fact that it is missing a particular type of punctuation. (And guess what that might be) Yes, it IS a comma! When you start out "God" you need a comma after it. Whether you are speaking directly to him or simply using the word as an expression, both instances require a pause after it, thus meaning that a comma must come into play. Hey, just thought I'd let you know! Very good still.... lol. Demon comma child strikes again!
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautifully written, I must say. Sad topic, but so very, very true it is for some people. I love your style in this one again (but, of course, has there been something you've written that I HAVEN'T liked??? *ahem* the answer is NOOoooo). Going onto my faves list (darn you! you're filling it up, as always...). This has honestly left me almost speechless (ALMOST, because or else it'd be no fun for you -- not knowing what i think and all...lol).
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      First, in the first stanza, the correct speeling is 'iniquities' I believe. Second, I wish that there really were guys who truly loved a girl enough to do anything for her, be anything she wanted him to be. However, is she doesn't like you for who you are,she's not worth your time. It was a very good write tho. Passionate to say the least. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      very thought provoking. it is pretty long but not boring at all. even with a short attention span it interested me until the end. i can't even pick a favorite part. it's all well done.
    you should be patient! people will comment they're just slow!
    Star
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by shootingstar | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... I wonder why no one wants to comment, It's not that long is it? Now I'm stuck commenting on myself...what a sad life I lead...
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by ACircuitShock | [ Reply to This ]


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