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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Final Hourdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keyverse
    Elite Ratio:    4.97 - 9/6/6
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 663
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 698



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Final Hourdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I take in the loss of my true sight
    Like the slow coming of an early night
    I revel in the coming of the moon
    Pondering the loss of the sun so soon

    Sun, I see now I took thee for granted
    Like the clichéd words of a romantic
    I have reveled in all the life you give
    And yet never uttered thanks from my lips

    But if I were blessed with another new dawn
    I’d glory in your light with open arms
    Eyes fully open and head fully raised
    And yelling out eternal blessings and praise

    If only, if only, how lonely this hour is
    The final hour; to realize truth like this
    .




    Submitted on 2010-11-14 00:16:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the fact that you tried to adhere to a specific structure with this piece.

    10 syllables per line AABB AABB AABB AA
    I find that kind of structure interesting because it shows a desire on the half of the poet to step it up a little bit in his/her art form and move away from just free form no rules poetry. Not to say that I don't like free form because I do and all the freedom it affords but still...when you see someone opening it up a little bit and trying different styles it is inspiring and great.

    Great title by the way.

    And also I have always been a firm believer in strong beginnings and strong endings. Now your beginning is about as strong as it gets.

    "As I take in the loss of my true sight
    Like the slow coming of an early night"

    very cool.

    And endings...well I cannot say that I have personally mastered endings myself. They are probably like relationships, no matter what it's hard to say goodbye.

    I think mastering a strong ending is probably the hardest thing about writing a good poem. Thats just opinion but you know...


    anyway good job man, I enjoyed it.


    Fizz
    | Posted on 2010-11-14 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


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