I like the fact that you tried to adhere to a specific structure with this piece.
10 syllables per line AABB AABB AABB AA
I find that kind of structure interesting because it shows a desire on the half of the poet to step it up a little bit in his/her art form and move away from just free form no rules poetry. Not to say that I don't like free form because I do and all the freedom it affords but still...when you see someone opening it up a little bit and trying different styles it is inspiring and great.
Great title by the way.
And also I have always been a firm believer in strong beginnings and strong endings. Now your beginning is about as strong as it gets.
"As I take in the loss of my true sight
Like the slow coming of an early night"
And endings...well I cannot say that I have personally mastered endings myself. They are probably like relationships, no matter what it's hard to say goodbye.
I think mastering a strong ending is probably the hardest thing about writing a good poem. Thats just opinion but you know...