Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Comfy Sunday shirtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    4.97 - 180/113/59
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1378



    Description:
       2200 miles separate us...maybe it's enough to drive us apart...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComfy Sunday shirtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Too many lines, words, syllables
    None say or mean or do what is you:
    Grey/blue eyes with dimpled cheeks-
    Was that just you?

    My words remain hollow,
    Our miracle jar lying empty
    underneath our bed.
    The frame is breaking.

    Sy-lla-bles
    Sy-
    Lla--
    Bles

    The ghost of your fingertips and the
    shadow of your pelvis
    are playing with the corners of the walls
    .the floor wants to join in.

    Chills and tears and breathes and
    And inhale
    And exhale
    And inhale
    And exhale.

    Can you break hearts, heartbreaker?
    Can you tape them up, use super glue?
    Can super glue mend hearts, heartmender?
    Can they be shattered as easily as mended?

    Your side is cold, and the sky
    Scolds, I told you so
    They told you to tell me to tell them that you told me-
    Can hearts be mended as easily as shattered?

    Blond hair, messy bangs.
    I never minded your cleft
    It was you-
    Was that just you?

    Your slight smile, crooked angles
    Your soothing bite and your fickle lookover
    Comfy Sunday shirts and piggy glances-
    Too many lines, words, syllables, that aren’t you.






    Submitted on 2010-11-14 17:20:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      once again ur at it...sigh...this is beautiful. i like how it is not spoon fed. it is quite intriguing....

    "The frame is breaking .

    Sy- lla- bles
    Sy-
    Lla- -
    Bles"

    from my limited understanding these r directly connected yes? the frame is picturing sumthing...but i cant exactly fig out...mayb im thinkin too much

    "Blond hair , messy bangs .
    I never minded your cleft

    It was you-
    Was that just you ?"

    "Your slight smile, crooked angles
    Your soothing bite and your fickle lookover
    Comfy Sunday shirts and piggy glances-
    Too many lines , words, syllables , that aren' t you ."

    ive come to the conclusion that u r trying to basically say that everything you can say to tangibly describe this person fall short. and that u miss them and your thoughts and words to decribe them simply arent enough. thus correctly statin that u arent in love with the thought of bein with them. u r purely- unadulterately in love

    im so wrapped in this one...
    | Posted on 2010-12-08 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I found this to be scattered and confusing a bit... but when i take a step back... so is art. if you have to spell it out, you've made a children's book. So in that retrospect I applaud you. Not to mention it comes together quite casually at the end... which I liked. I guess what i'm trying to say is you took the point of poetry and made it original. Not many people get that anymore. It's fun to write something that means different to different people.
    | Posted on 2010-11-14 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I found this to be scattered and confusing a bit... but when i take a step back... so is art. if you have to spell it out, you've made a children's book. So in that retrospect I applaud you. Not to mention it comes together quite casually at the end... which I liked. I guess what i'm trying to say is you took the point of poetry and made it original. Not many people get that anymore. It's fun to write something that means different to different people.
    | Posted on 2010-11-14 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    187858

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Position written by Daniel Barlow
    being direct, it's written by Daniel Barlow
    Within a structure written by Daniel Barlow
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    5/29/2019 written by nolram
    Sweet You written by Daniel Barlow
    what a thought could do to you written by Daniel Barlow
    a trish poem written by Daniel Barlow
    Collision written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Global Death Do Incite written by MyPeriodical
    Bleeding part two written by MyPeriodical
    Exult written by saartha
    Yearn written by saartha
    Ballad written by Daniel Barlow
    Cannot Assimilate written by Daniel Barlow
    Starry night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sólo por pensar asi written by MyPeriodical
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Spaces written by Daniel Barlow
    Merge written by saartha
    Rough written by saartha
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    a given written by Daniel Barlow
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    untitled#1 written by Daniel Barlow
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Luchinushka written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry