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    dots Submission Name: Burial Notesdots

    Author: trinityfinger
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 136/343/209
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 426
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 769


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurial Notesdots

    How you come to be unfettered
    from the swirling ankles of yesterday's belonging,
    that artist-sketched simile of what it takes
    to be the notion of forever imprinted
    on a sepia page.

    There is loss in the form of forgiving too much,
    old injuries given a distorted perspective, a far-reaching kiss
    delivered with a hiss, and all of this rendered into
    a storm of worn-out fingers
    upon a windowpane.

    Yes, this ache is here, and my denial is a wintry breath
    I thought long buried or astray, washed out amidst
    the trace of history which needs repeating
    to truly know what it means
    to feel again.


    Submitted on 2010-11-17 04:31:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is great. Imagery is on point, but not just that the metaphors hit home every time. And the crazy part is its kind of a sucka punch cuz you don't see it and you have to read it again to get the whole thing. All i'd like to see is a little spacing in between the metaphors,

    "really paint How you come to be unfettered
    from the swirling ankles of yesterday's belonging,
    that artist-sketched simile of what it takes
    to be the notion of forever imprinted
    on a sepia page. the picture i guess. which reminds me"

    | Posted on 2010-11-19 00:00:00 | by keyverse | [ Reply to This ]
      Here here , recumbent redemption some retrospectively retroactive . I love the lines "a storm of worn-out fingers
    upon a windowpane. Contrarily the third verse has me wondering . I can't decide if your denying the ache , or the denial is the ache like your denying some specter of the past acceptance . That maybe by repeating history in the light of it we truly learn to feel again . Or instead that by allowing it to be washed out amidst the trace of history that seems good we relieve stress and begin to feel again . Try as I might I can't decide between the two . Maybe you intended this duality , but I find it unclear .

    | Posted on 2010-11-19 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

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