for me, there are some good hook lines in this but toward the end i felt they were overused and it gave the poem a feeling of emptiness, or me, the feeling that you couldn't find what you wanted to say.
i'd say that's it's fine to work closely with familiar phrasing (the razor's edge thing) so long as you make the surrounding material your own,
there are places in this where you don't.
I know things didnt turn out
how you dreamt
(this idea is not new.
but somethings aren't meant to be
this line isn't new.
We live walking on
the razors edge
neither is this one. Also, things like some things and razors edge need to be tidied up so that the work is presented in its best light. somethings = some things
razors edge = razor's edge (the edge belonging to the razor)
this is a poetry workshop, no better place to get that type of thing sorted out.
but do you see my point about familiar phrasing?
that's the beginning of the poem and your used three worn ideas.
the really good phrasing was about the years being cut away, because you used something old/accepted and made it new.
for me, there's too much about this particular poem that is generic so that it reads like a one size fits all motivational card.
that's not to say that the sentiment is any less meant, just that it's harder to apply to my particular soul, because of the attributes i've mentioned.
there are good hook lines and concepts in this but i'd challenge you to look at it like a sculpture and bring more detail into it. fine it down.
this [censored] is bomb <--(positive) man. The imagery, you used was crazy, but it don't hit you immediately. I liked this jawn. was it your intention to make the reader realize that they are actually walking on a razors edge through the storm. or did i get the wrong picture lol