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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I am driftwooddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Linzi
    ASL Info:    24.f.wales
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 80/100/94
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 845



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI am driftwooddots
    -------------------------------------------


    My mind is running on empty
    A languid lagoon

    like the Lethe

    I
    Am driftwood.

    Counting the while since her visit,
    Which I think is starting to show.
    I'm skimming through cracks

    On bone-dry paper
    Lapping up ink like a leech.

    Her gown is a silken liquid
    An aquatic river of life

    And
    I
    Am at the pivotal-point of submergence.

    Her form is ghostly-glittering
    And she slips through my fingers at will

    She always did leave dew-drops
    On the outside window sill.




    Submitted on 2010-11-20 01:43:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Leath: was one of the wards of the ancient county of Cumberland in north west England.

    Leath: Correctional Institution in South Carolina.

    LETHE: the stream of oblivion that brought forgetfulness
    to those who drank from it.

    Just wondered if (Leath) is the word u where looking for
    when you wrote this poem. Maybe it has a meaning I am
    not knowing?

    I find this write of yours to be captivating.
    | Posted on 2011-08-21 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      but those dew drops prove she was there---

    i could liken this to writing poetry and the muse...

    thoughts slip through our minds like through fingers when we can't hold onto them long enough to get them down on paper...

    but...like ghosts..they return...and we think we see them...but it takes awhile for the pen to adjust to catch them...like the eyes looking at the form, looking for the form.

    cool, spooky good piece.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-08-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      "And
    I
    Am at the pivotal-point of submergence."

    -- is great.

    I like the format of this. A bit step-by-step, but in subtle ways. It is not detailing a journey, but expressing it with certain elements to let the reader pull together. I would, however, almost like to see a little more adherence among the various parts of the write (I feel like I have read three separate poems that pertain to the same subject), but that is just a thought to throw out there. As it is, it is ethereal and intriguing.

    -Emeya
    | Posted on 2010-11-23 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      i find that the first and second blocks of this are excellent, elegant and you conjure a talent for mood-setting and phrasing.
    | Posted on 2010-11-20 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent.

    | Posted on 2010-11-20 00:00:00 | by Jacoby | [ Reply to This ]


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