Description: So what is this about..? Just two people going out to the city and then take a detour to the beach and have a great night out before realising they have work the next day...? Meh, bash it, cut it into itty bitty pieces. I need the criticism.
Other than that, have fun :]
City Escape -------------------------------------------
Bash it? Naw you have everything together tight tink, let me explain.To me it's beautiful because I come to think of two people visiting a particular city but the twist is that it's shakes onto this adventurous side because the first person has more excitement and a need to live in the moments, hold it all for what it is worth sorta say.
The form, not much of a problem because I look at them at snap shots, bringing me to another thought that two young people do these things all the time so it becomes this cool thing of being young and having the control, freedom and perfect fit of that fun, that happiness that you want to be a highlight of your life.
And the beach, smokin' crackers the beach! And everybody knows that is a perfect place to capture a memory.Ya know when you see those books that tell stories with pictures by just turning the pages...that came to mind reading this twice.
It stands.Even though it's staccato I call it the drop set because two lines here, two lines there and continued so on makes the piece collapse but your knowing when to conclude and wrap up was perfect.
Had you gone on 300 words instead of 193 same form and all it would have needed a big correction.
It's a shiny pebble in the sand as I would call it, although it was pretty slick.
You know what crazy though, is that when you write a piece you end up not really caring for but you put it out there anyway and others see it to be unique that helps it to stand up as a strong work of creativity due to the author engineering.
It's so funny you wrote it though too bc you got away clean with that form without prolonging it, hmmm o.O haha
But indeedy I likes.
... I think I just cried a bit... like two tears... I must say it is beautiful... and it has been a very long time since I have been able to escape like this... from all pressure... from all stress... and just worry about being happy instead of all the things that life make you deal with... Wish I could look up and see the stars instead of the lights... wish I could leave the concrete jungle behind... wish that beauty was once again beauty... and not just something cosmetic that everyone is after... be a kid again and enjoy... even if its just for a short escapade