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    dots Submission Name: Sparksdots

    Author: Realitywarp87
    ASL Info:    25/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 27/53/63
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1198
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 969


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I have this familiar feeling,
    Which I've felt so long ago
    Though it certainly is different
    I can't seem to let it go

    There's a burning deep inside me
    Every time I hear your name
    My blood boils from within
    And I feel it rushing in my veins

    When I look at you, it's only you
    That I seem to have my focus
    In an ocean full of sapphires
    You're the ruby that I notice

    Now I picture you walking towards me
    Your red hair flowing in the wind
    Like a fire burning free
    Consuming everything

    It sets off sparks and embers
    And I'm caught within its rapture
    My mind ablaze with wonder
    As my heart has now been captured

    Your face is all I see now
    A glow radiating from your skin
    The blood, now, rises to my cheeks
    As I feel the warmth from within

    Submitted on 2010-11-23 17:12:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Your use of the images of heat and fire and sparks is incredible... Your poem, for me, creates a very different idea/image of fire and warmth than what I usually associate those images with. And your use of gems in the third stanza is especially amazing... It is an especially great connection, as a ruby, most commonly associated with red and fire and passion, is the sought after gem rather than the sapphire, the (usually) blue and calming gem...
    Your poem reads, to me, like a story might... Im not sure how to explain it... But the imagery you use speaks to me :)
    I am familiar with the emotions and feelings that you present in this poem, but the way you portray them is beautiful :)
    | Posted on 2010-12-06 00:00:00 | by einna | [ Reply to This ]

    Well, you've pretty much put this 'feeling' in a nutshell. Well, a very thought out and poetic nutshell, that is.
    The only real criticism I have to make is that here is only really one reference to the 'heart' and that is when it has been captured. But maybe you were trying to veer away from being like all the other poems and stuff by trying to not completely envelop the concept of 'heart.'
    Also, to me, the last stanza feels like it could be followed up by something? Although, it seems cleverly done by referring back to the 'warmth within.'
    Other than that, this is a piece which captures all those feelings and emotions really well.
    Thanks for sharing :)
    | Posted on 2010-11-23 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]

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