Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lingering Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: krs3332003
    Elite Ratio:    6.47 - 144/114/64
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 778
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 770



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLingering Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Whispering shadows
    The fallen heroes of the day

    A drifting memory's pensive muse
    It withholds the moment's end

    Enchanted mistress of the night
    Sing for silence, the echoing breeze

    So many, so few, so innocent
    The sweet surprise of soaring

    If they had only known
    They had cherub's wings

    The wistful tune
    It fills the starlit dawn

    Dance again, reel again
    Set them free from words

    The fortitude of fire
    It burns from deep within

    A trance for the willing
    A warning for the wise

    Listen to her tears
    Her soulful looming caress
    Forget me not today...




    Submitted on 2010-11-25 10:11:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This has some very classic sounding lines (quality) but is a little disjointed as a "story" wherein some gaps could be filled. Of course it could leave us to fill in the blanks for ourselves, but the richness of fresh ideas would be lost if self inserted.

    Does the "enchanted mistress of the night" character carry through to the "listen to her tears"? I can't tell and want to know more about what is going on.

    Maybe the title is what I am left with.
    | Posted on 2010-11-25 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188007

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Bond written by saartha
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Linger written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry