[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Great Consequencedots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/213
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 517
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1082


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Great Consequencedots

    We walk around it-
    - Don't dare speak a word about it...
    Confront those cornered roaches-
    - Dysentery; septic screams.
    Just a guttural response to the absent bottom line-
    - Another situation just slipping out of hand.
    Rhetoric please? Elaborate just a bit more until we differentiate.
    Defecating beneath the choking boot--- A throat to break every which way.
    - Oh but we see, nothing can be solved with out liquid-
    -Black --- Red-

    Survival of malevolent spiders - Fly fly flies...
    - Their fangs puncture so deep; we love the in reach hopped up top shelf good toxic.
    ventriloquist; a contortionist; a sadist and masochist; stuffed ballot boxes-
    Yet we see eight different ways they are one in the same.
    -But we fail to see that it will be the death of you- me!
    Squirm and shove up out of it-
    -Oh please God don't you dare cry.
    --Only fair, you walked around it
    The one consequence-

    Submitted on 2010-11-27 18:12:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the feel of this... your word choices - the 3&4 syllable words speed up the read… and then it slows down only to pick up again, keeping a nice rhythm.
    Love the metaphors of pesky insects to life’s irritations. Well done ending with a quick chat to God… clever, witty… nice.
    | Posted on 2010-11-28 00:00:00 | by Just Kel | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Fasade written by jackz
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]