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    dots Submission Name: Zombie Hunter Part Onedots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 899
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 555
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 5015


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsZombie Hunter Part Onedots

    I wake up frown.
    I am
    lost again in another friendless town.
    I peer through curtained widows at
    mindless devastation,

    trashed cars burning bars
    and Zombies.

    Clumping and bumping with a pack
    on my back I flounce down the motel
    6's creepy stairs.
    it is one rusty morning. Rusty cars,
    rusty bikes and rusty kiddy trikes,
    rusty bits of broken chains clogging
    the street's stuffed and rust choked drains.
    In the distance I see
    a demolished rusty train. It makes me
    wonder if I might have a rust encrusted

    My battle axe is my best friend
    it gets me through the thick and thin.
    With a mighty whacky thwack it will send,
    a headless Zombie to a final end.

    I just thought I would mention that, I feel it is
    important to the story. I do love my battle axe.
    I am pretty sure she loves me too. I just think
    she is too shy to say it.
    I even have a secret pet name for her.
    No I wont tell you. If I did it would not be a secret.
    I am sorry did you not see! I was flouncing
    down the stairs.
    I am really not in a good mood so
    just shut up about the name.
    I should never have brought it up Grrr!

    I heave a sigh, rub my rust streaked eyes
    and crunch my way over broken glass,
    tattered trash, dog bones, smashed phones,
    hubcaps, cowboy hats, dead rats a radiator
    for gods sake a stuffed alligator. look I am not
    a hater but Zombies piss me off.
    They have
    sooo run down the neighborhood.
    At least I have not heard anyone championing
    their civil rights.

    Hey, what is that I hear? A slither, a crash
    a crackling of glass. Shit I know that moan.
    That is a Zombie moan or a constipated
    lawyer. Heh, I am going with Zombie but
    it could be a Zombie what used to be a lawyer.
    No a Zombie has some self respect it would starve
    before it bit a lawyer. Lawyer brains are poisonous too. They probably would even kill a Zombies.
    If you could make a Zombie eat some.

    Besides at this point I think all of the lawyers have
    been shot.
    They looked too much like Zombies to
    begin with.

    Look kids there he is, a Zombie in its natural habitat.
    Now don't try this at home.
    I know, I know, I make it look easy
    but I am a professional Zombie hunter.

    Ok here I go,
    it's time to play mutilate the Zombie monster.
    First I will bang on this garbage can to get its
    Wang, Wang,
    no that is not a guitar it's
    this rusty iron bar I am banging
    on the garbage can making that sound.
    Watch. wonk
    OK enough of that- I have his attention.

    Whoa- that it is one big ugly Zombie kind da looks
    like Vin Diesel
    after he wrestled a lawn mower
    and lost.

    "Hey Zombie is that raspberry jam on your face?
    or you been eating your mama again" Damn
    listen to it moan! Sounds like a howler monkey
    with his nuts in a vice.
    No I am not going to tell you how I know what
    a howler monkey with his nuts in a vice sounds like.

    Look all I am saying is-
    hypo thet ick ly speaking if a howler monkey
    throws a big oozy handful of his own
    feces in you face you might want to trank
    and tie him up before you grab his nuts,
    monkeys will bite.

    Here I stand axe in hand eye to eye
    a moaning groaning monster whose only
    desire is to eat my brain.
    The plan?
    Make its right leg shorter by a foot.
    Then to laugh at it as it stumbles around
    in circles.

    Here I go. Swish thwick thwack!
    did you see that? Perfect move.
    I am so smooth.
    Look at it try to get me.
    It just can not
    move in a straight line without its right foot!

    I sprint down the road a hundred feet and jump
    up on the hood of a rusty Lincoln town car.
    black steel toed Doc Martens dent the dusty Detroit iron. Not at all out of breath I spin back to face the
    and croak out with a voice that drinks
    way too much Tennessee Whiskey.

    "Come on I am over here you dumb dead bastard. Woo Hoo you can't catch me"

    Man it looks pissed.
    Now don't ask me why but I
    just happen to have a few rocks in my pack.
    Why don't I just chuck one at the Zombie?

    Submitted on 2010-11-30 01:44:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This could go on forever! Very entertaining.
    | Posted on 2010-11-30 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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