I wake up frown.
lost again in another friendless town.
I peer through curtained widows at
trashed cars burning bars
Clumping and bumping with a pack
on my back I flounce down the motel
6's creepy stairs.
it is one rusty morning. Rusty cars,
rusty bikes and rusty kiddy trikes,
rusty bits of broken chains clogging
the street's stuffed and rust choked drains.
In the distance I see
a demolished rusty train. It makes me
wonder if I might have a rust encrusted
My battle axe is my best friend
it gets me through the thick and thin.
With a mighty whacky thwack it will send,
a headless Zombie to a final end.
I just thought I would mention that, I feel it is
important to the story. I do love my battle axe.
I am pretty sure she loves me too. I just think
she is too shy to say it.
I even have a secret pet name for her.
No I wont tell you. If I did it would not be a secret.
I am sorry did you not see! I was flouncing
down the stairs.
I am really not in a good mood so
just shut up about the name.
I should never have brought it up Grrr!
I heave a sigh, rub my rust streaked eyes
and crunch my way over broken glass,
tattered trash, dog bones, smashed phones,
hubcaps, cowboy hats, dead rats a radiator
for gods sake a stuffed alligator. look I am not
a hater but Zombies piss me off.
sooo run down the neighborhood.
At least I have not heard anyone championing
their civil rights.
Hey, what is that I hear? A slither, a crash
a crackling of glass. Shit I know that moan.
That is a Zombie moan or a constipated
lawyer. Heh, I am going with Zombie but
it could be a Zombie what used to be a lawyer.
No a Zombie has some self respect it would starve
before it bit a lawyer. Lawyer brains are poisonous too. They probably would even kill a Zombies.
If you could make a Zombie eat some.
Besides at this point I think all of the lawyers have
They looked too much like Zombies to
Look kids there he is, a Zombie in its natural habitat.
Now don't try this at home.
I know, I know, I make it look easy
but I am a professional Zombie hunter.
Ok here I go,
it's time to play mutilate the Zombie monster.
First I will bang on this garbage can to get its
no that is not a guitar it's
this rusty iron bar I am banging
on the garbage can making that sound.
OK enough of that- I have his attention.
Whoa- that it is one big ugly Zombie kind da looks
like Vin Diesel
after he wrestled a lawn mower
"Hey Zombie is that raspberry jam on your face?
or you been eating your mama again" Damn
listen to it moan! Sounds like a howler monkey
with his nuts in a vice.
No I am not going to tell you how I know what
a howler monkey with his nuts in a vice sounds like.
Look all I am saying is-
hypo thet ick ly speaking if a howler monkey
throws a big oozy handful of his own
feces in you face you might want to trank
and tie him up before you grab his nuts,
monkeys will bite.
Here I stand axe in hand eye to eye
a moaning groaning monster whose only
desire is to eat my brain.
Make its right leg shorter by a foot.
Then to laugh at it as it stumbles around
Here I go. Swish thwick thwack!
did you see that? Perfect move.
I am so smooth.
Look at it try to get me.
It just can not
move in a straight line without its right foot!
I sprint down the road a hundred feet and jump
up on the hood of a rusty Lincoln town car.
black steel toed Doc Martens dent the dusty Detroit iron. Not at all out of breath I spin back to face the
and croak out with a voice that drinks
way too much Tennessee Whiskey.
"Come on I am over here you dumb dead bastard. Woo Hoo you can't catch me"
Man it looks pissed.
Now don't ask me why but I
just happen to have a few rocks in my pack.
Why don't I just chuck one at the Zombie?