If you were to stand in front of me today, I'm not going to lie, my heart would beat faster and I might just stop breathing for that initial moment of taking you all in for the first time in over three years.
If you were to come to me and somehow say you were sorry for the past, say that you wanted me back and that you thought we would be so much better together this time, My heart would skip a couple beats and then lurch into my throat and I would not be capable of words.
If you were to touch me in any way, no matter how small or casual, my skin would burn where our skin touched and I would jump a little at the oddness of it all.
If you were to smile your smile from the old days I would smile back, I wouldn't be able to help it, I would most likely think I was dreaming and just enjoy how real it looked this time.
If you were to ask me how I was, How I had been, I would of coarse say all manner of happy, wonderful, adjusted, moved on, grown up things. To make sure you knew that I was having the life of lives. As to be expected, you would do the same.
Yet, after the shock, and the realization that I was indeed not just imagining this for the 1,000th time, I would why I was talking to you, wonder what you were trying to learn to use against me later, I would be distrustful and eager to leave and not have anything come at me from the past that I couldn't handle.
I would hold my husband later that night and smell him in deep, realizing that his is the scent that fills me with love. That these arms wraped around me are mine. That his is the heart that I cherish in my hands.
He is the one who is there when I am not perfect, when I have failed, when I have victory and laughter as well.
The main thing...he is just the one who is there.
Consistency in love is sometimes far more important then the "passion" of love.
As I lay spooned in his arms and he kisses the my bare back as I slip into oblivion, it is his name I whisper, and his arms that will still be holding me in the morning.
I just thought you should know, if you were.