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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You're Above Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 693
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 769



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou're Above Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Let me just say thank you
    For being what you are
    A nearly perfect woman
    Who can see past all my scars

    Thanks for not pointing out
    The qualities that I lack
    For accepting me as I am
    With a soul that's nearly black

    Perhaps with your help
    We can make it once again gleam
    Not with the innocents of a child
    But with the re-found pride of a man

    Beaming

    Please forgive my intrusion
    And don't ever let me bring you down
    From your lofty world
    With goodness and light abound

    I hope to someday reach you
    Not remaining where I stand
    To one day be truly worthy
    For now is my only plan




    Submitted on 2010-12-06 13:11:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just some grammatical suggestions:

    "Who can see passed all my scars"
    The whole "Past"-as-a-verb mistake has really been getting on my nerves as of late. Not that I blame you, as I'd adopted the habitual spelling just as well, after so much exposure to the mis-doing.
    Really wish you'd use some commas, but it's cool; I'm just nitpicky like that.
    "Not with the innocence of a child"
    Innocents is the plural of innocent, while innocence is the noun you'd intended.

    "But with the (re-found) pride of a man"
    ...let's talk about this for a second;
    As I said before, I'm nitpicky. Re-found is most certainly a utilized word, but for poetry, how about we consider the alternatives, you know what I mean?

    Besides all that, it's a pretty decent piece. As always, you've got a relatable theme driven by a simple portrayal.
    Sorta curious...you ever lose your coherence over a write? Don't you ever just go mad?
    | Posted on 2015-04-04 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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