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    dots Submission Name: Caged Souldots

    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 738
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 701


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    dotsCaged Souldots

    Oh how I wish I could,
    For one last time see the sun,
    Without a bar to intrude,
    the sight to behold.

    This skin holds me back,
    Liberty far gone,
    As my path has no map,
    The shadow that I've become.

    Oh why am I trapped,
    So limited and unsure,
    How I wish it was back,
    To being innocent and secured.

    Oh how much pain,
    Must I be put through and endure,
    Waiting for my blood to rain,
    The thought of death has me allured.

    Please give me my freedom,
    I can't take it anymore,
    Pleading for death to come,
    and finally free my caged soul.

    Submitted on 2010-12-08 20:09:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You did not specify the type of comment you wanted... so I am just going to give my thoughts on this...

    To me, your poem seems to embrace the idea that maybe you cant be free in this human form, "This skin holds me back"... While i am uncertain of what I believe, the idea is a beautiful one: to be freed after this short life on earth.

    You connect yourself to the elements, "Waiting for my blood to rain". which give me the idea that you see yourself as capable of more... Or maybe this is just a form of acknowledgement of the world around you and all its power. I also see it as another form of freedom... Your blood rains down over everything, almost like the ultimate freedom. Lol, or maybe it is just a good literall way to express a desire to die, and I am looking too much into it... Either way, it says many things and is very beautiful.

    You say you wish you could go back "to being innocent and secured", which I interpret as this current state of mind you are in is that which you have grown into with a loss of "innocense"... Which makes sense, as while we all seek freedom, we seem to grow into some form or another of entrapment, often forced by our own will, whether conciously or not.

    You speak of yourself as being "allured" to death, and while I am uncertain of my own beliefs in death, i know that some believe that death will be a form of freedom, which, in your poem, it sounds as though that is what you are saying. Maybe death will hold be an open door that frees us; maybe it will be yet another way to entrap the soul... Who really knows... It ends your poem on a very strange note, unless you are certain in your beliefs of one way or another, then you might consider the ending differently.

    As for me, it just leaves me curious and wondering if what it makes me think is intentional or not.

    Anyway, I think your poem is really beautiful, and, whether intentional or not, it presents some very powerful and interesting ideas to me. I have nothing to add at this point except to mention that I love that you refer to yourself as a shadow in the second stanza... I just love the second stanza as a whole, its really beautiful. The ideas your poem presents are beautifuly weaved into the words... Well done. :)

    | Posted on 2010-12-09 00:00:00 | by einna | [ Reply to This ]

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