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When I was a kid they told me as a kid that monsters weren't real;
that if I didn't believe in them they couldn't hurt me.
I learned to lie by example.

I smile at everyone till my teeth hurt.
Yellowed by all the deception,
and honestly
it's more of a grimace these days.
A gesture to prove I have teeth.

I tell everyone I'm okay.
My roommates, my lovers, my parents,
the councilor I always said I'd go to but never did ...
my friends, my goldfish, my rats,
the complete strangers who are staring at me.
I assure them that I'm fine.

I say it and I ignore all the signs that things might just be falling apart.
I push aside all the thoughts of clinical things like manic-depression
and why all the pills on tv that say they'll make everything better
but also say they might just make me want to kill myself.
I take the pink ones that help me sleep.

When I was child they told me the monsters were only in my head.
Well, that part might have been true.