[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: double mindeddots

    Author: cripto
    Elite Ratio:    5.11 - 14/7/4
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645

       Yea harsh, but if the abusing aprents dont care I dont either!!! Not saying parents that abuse shouldnt get a second chance, just stop the abuse get help or least stop and feel quilty/ and not do it again.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdouble mindeddots

    Does it appear to me
    or anyone else see?
    How conspiracies
    are in families?
    Lies and toments to not tell
    Cries avoided, help has fail

    The punishers first to cry
    When their unnneeds are behind
    Expecting Goverment Support
    But afraid of going to court
    When it comes to their child's welfare
    Being questioned of their child's care

    Parents or gurdians that abuse
    get off the system and the drug use

    If your child aren't allowed to speak up for help
    Hear what I'm yelling "Yall can go f yourselves

    Submitted on 2010-12-13 09:21:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A rough emotional explosion, yes.
    Parents have a responsibility, but they think of themselves first in these situations.
    And the children know the parent is wrong, and make a rather conscious decision to protect the parent over themselves.
    And once they fully understand Personal Responsibility, well... it is just more money for a therapist in later life. After awhile, "Daddy/Mommy ruined my life..." doesn't cut it when you remember, "I knew I could stop it with 3 numbers, but I didn't use them."

    | Posted on 2010-12-16 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      Apparently this subject and the thought of abusive parents bothers you, which is understandable.
    I see grammar errors that should be changed unless you want a person interpreting it the wrong way.
    I surely believe it is something you've either experienced yourself or witnessed that may have drove you to write it with.
    Here's another way to look at it, if the title, subject and idea were mine I would have totally experimented with it more to see how far I can take it just to make the reader take it way more serious.
    For example, imagine if you wrote a short piece consisting of at least five hundred words about a child
    who is a victim of such things but the child analyzes the abuse as well, you would get way more commentary because it would be a much more profound portrait of what is not liked in society on the basis of parenting.
    But overall my example of what could have been done, I really appreciate you just even taking the time to even bottle it up into something so vivid.

    Reminds me of the way children act in supermarkets or malls and how the parent can't control themselves in order to maintain the rational behavior of the child.
    I thought of that when I read this.
    It would be cool if you followed up with this without revision.
    Try starting over but tell a story from the child's point of view who is traumatized, well damn eager to tell the reader his or her pain with only a little anger.
    Because this right here is only your opinions and the way you feel, it's not a bad thing at all.
    If you do happen to follow this up then I would consider this the introduction and what kept the ball rolling perhaps.
    Although you seem to be the kind of writer who'll write what is bothering them without thinking thoroughly of what you are doing because you just want to get it all out, not bad either because it only means you can and will get better at what you are doing, what you are trying to get people to see, feel etc.
    The last line describes your frustration and how millions of ppl feel about the subject so just try to think more on how folks will interpret what you write when you are writing it just to keep things clean.
    Another thing that caught my eye was the line that refers to parent and drug use around their children which symbolizes the struggles, downfall, neglect and tainted love from the parent who is some realm or state of mind does not care how the child feels about what they see, let alone how they feel about they way they are treated.
    I like the piece but there is so much, so much more you can be doing with it.
    The way it's written looks like you just wanted to get some things off of your chest more than wanting a reader to explore the harsh reality and wrongdoings of guardians, foster parents.
    Either way is alright with me, after all this is only what I myself thinks.I'll give it a 3.5

    | Posted on 2010-12-13 00:00:00 | by RASloan | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]