[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: as the bullet slices the nerve...dots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 435
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1031


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsas the bullet slices the nerve...dots

    is it this again?
    as i pretend I feel nothing-
    not even a flinch at the bullet
    as it slices the nerve....
    right when the words
    spill out, then the vicodon's served
    hurts a lil less now
    all but in spite of the verbs

    feeling bad on a Thursday
    rearrange the words to say
    had a chance but i merk'd it in the worst way
    just a slant, cuz you know i luv my word play
    sayin- sure you can read into the words- hey (*shrugs*)
    out of the hurt, dont you know u were the worst---
    verse overdosed down like druggie might
    bet you aint contemplatin like- really wuz he right?
    on and off tangents cant focus on study night
    let you outta all the things i sed thats where u'd judge me right?!.....
    and say that i dont know you
    if i really cant show you
    thats means
    ill just have to show you
    <<imagine that>>

    Submitted on 2010-12-13 14:13:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This unfolded similar to the turning of the barrel of a snub gun.A bullet itself hitting arteries and puncturing nerves feels like a hot iron being pressed on to you.

    The street slang and gives it more appeal to a gunman, judgement of a gun holder in word play fashion.

    It releases a view of a druggy cloud that hangs over a thinking gunman with numbness of pain...I think.
    From the impact and curiosity of the titled my finger jumped into clicking the mouse to read it.I was only slightly dissatisfied with it's closure only because I was looking to read something more creatively graphic but that's just me.
    | Posted on 2011-01-29 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    AI written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]