I imagine this is speaking to a pretty diverse kind of audience, right? Or, well, maybe just who this is about. While reading this, I felt more like I was switching from one persona to another with every other line. The image given with innocence, then vanity, then those who may be apologetic for something they had done repeatedly-
Or perhaps this person is a victim of abuse and many, many mistakes?
This piece generates one question after another...not sure if that's too bad or way good.
The write makes me curious, but I can't find any clarity in it. That could just be me, but it's pretty fun to read, nonetheless.
Awesome first impression, friggin' excellent.
Came out the right way and very strong as of the first four lines and from reading it just one time, then taking another look at it afterwards makes me see this
'negativity stickiness' that is inside a person, like this internal scream.The first half (everything before "while vanity falls") made me think of the mythological character Narcissus revolving around key words and areas that have their niche of being in place, such as:
"reflection cries" "regretful eyes" "mirror" "vanity" "Poor boy".Then the catchiness of the way you flipped lines "A failed excuse for silent abuse", "Sustained to ignore so she implores" very well stuck together as if the one line supports the other and they fall into place so nicely.
Another thing that stood out at the second half is that the subject is flipped to a girl, I'm assuming at first that she's lost but young but only for a few seconds I do.
Then with that last line, that last crying out of an expression it was if it had summed up that the young lady was dead inside as of having this problem of self comprehension and no stable abilty to really care for what cares for her, so she ignores those things and later on theres this downfall which goes back to me sayin' that last line and aloud expression that summed it all up.
I like it very much so and I am not ashamed to say that I see small pieces of it that makes me look at myself as of relating to it but I rather not get off into it.
Totally well put together for just seventy words, making me curious and thinking about looking further into your catalog here if you have one.
I gave it a four.