[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tales of Screamingdots

    Author: krs3332003
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 146/114/65
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1262
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 566


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTales of Screamingdots

    There you sit
    beside the mirror
    The reflection cries
    with regretful eyes

    Such melancholy madness!

    Poor boy listen
    to the innocence
    An echo calls
    while vanity falls

    Don't you wonder why?

    Turn away Life
    and ponder remorse
    Sustained to ignore
    so she implores

    Beckon to end!

    Far below now
    the journey's end
    A failed excuse
    from silent abuse

    You aren't really alive!

    Submitted on 2010-12-14 10:35:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I imagine this is speaking to a pretty diverse kind of audience, right? Or, well, maybe just who this is about. While reading this, I felt more like I was switching from one persona to another with every other line. The image given with innocence, then vanity, then those who may be apologetic for something they had done repeatedly-
    Or perhaps this person is a victim of abuse and many, many mistakes?

    This piece generates one question after another...not sure if that's too bad or way good.
    The write makes me curious, but I can't find any clarity in it. That could just be me, but it's pretty fun to read, nonetheless.
    | Posted on 2014-10-08 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome first impression, friggin' excellent.
    Came out the right way and very strong as of the first four lines and from reading it just one time, then taking another look at it afterwards makes me see this
    'negativity stickiness' that is inside a person, like this internal scream.The first half (everything before "while vanity falls") made me think of the mythological character Narcissus revolving around key words and areas that have their niche of being in place, such as:
    "reflection cries" "regretful eyes" "mirror" "vanity" "Poor boy".Then the catchiness of the way you flipped lines "A failed excuse for silent abuse", "Sustained to ignore so she implores" very well stuck together as if the one line supports the other and they fall into place so nicely.

    Another thing that stood out at the second half is that the subject is flipped to a girl, I'm assuming at first that she's lost but young but only for a few seconds I do.
    Then with that last line, that last crying out of an expression it was if it had summed up that the young lady was dead inside as of having this problem of self comprehension and no stable abilty to really care for what cares for her, so she ignores those things and later on theres this downfall which goes back to me sayin' that last line and aloud expression that summed it all up.
    I like it very much so and I am not ashamed to say that I see small pieces of it that makes me look at myself as of relating to it but I rather not get off into it.
    Totally well put together for just seventy words, making me curious and thinking about looking further into your catalog here if you have one.
    I gave it a four.

    | Posted on 2010-12-14 00:00:00 | by RASloan | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]