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    dots Submission Name: Snapfrost Zerodots

    Author: Derrick Thomas
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 21/59/39
    Words: 266
    Class/Type: Prose/Depressed
    Total Views: 586
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1553


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    dotsSnapfrost Zerodots

    We sat there, (both of us) listening to the talking heads yelling from the television. It's too loud, will you turn it down before you leave?


    Black, mildewy smoke clouded the windows, leaked in through the cracks. (The cracks you created.) I don't give you a chance to get better?

    Fun time is over. We hugged and prayed to anyone that would listen. (I've driven over a thousand miles inside a car. A thousand miles is too far inside a car.)

    We ran outside when we heard the top half of the building shatter. Mice crazily careened down the street, but they had great success. Better than us.

    Eleven claws and a scream rained down. I sacrificed my leg. (You didn't look.)

    Do you need a lot of what you got to survive?

    (Sparkles, shimmers, and shines.)

    The mice ran at the sewers. No one stopped them. A huge beast yelled and bitched. We can't fit into the sewers. Cry, sweet love.

    It began to rain, and birds danced with their fallen feathers. Smoke filled the streets, my thoughts, and your accusations. I hated you.

    (Everything you ever thought, you tried to regret.)

    (Everything you ever said, I tried to forget.)

    Some hoped for death or god or the right of way.. Old couples lying in their bed, holding hands.

    (It hurts too much.)

    Thunder clapped..

    (I only write when I die.)

    Submitted on 2010-12-18 05:02:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There is nothing pretty or beautiful or poetic about this and I love it for it. This is harsh and real the way that poetry tends not to be, but laid forth in a way that is both accessible and daunting to the reader. Looking into your brain is like peering into a sweeping abyss, and I fear sometimes that I have looked to long.
    And then others I appreciate the briefest glimpse, where things are never what they seem and I fear to hazard a guess lest you laugh at it. This was lovely and grotesque, and I cannot wait for more.
    | Posted on 2011-01-03 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      i read the first Snapfrost.

    while that one, that reminded me of a coal mining accident (not sure why) or of land being blown away. but it was good. i thought it interesting too, that last line.

    this one reminds me of 9/11. don't know if that's what you're getting on about, but that's what it reminds me of. that first moment. (and how i carried it and carry it still at times).

    it reminds me of a hawksley workman song. one which i cannot find at the moment. but i will.

    idk. there's something about this.
    something about it.

    | Posted on 2010-12-18 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's the only time I write, too...
    And when it all goes down, and when it all goes away,
    we should all be so lucky as to have hands clasped, and feel so old and ready, whether we are or not.

    Sorry, I can't possibly comment in a way to do this one justice.
    | Posted on 2010-12-18 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]

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