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Cabbage Patch Jesus is snuggled at rest
in a Barbie crib manger on an Igloo ice chest,
with the lawn-deer all gathered and a Tinkerbell fairy
suspended above G.I. Joseph and Mary.
As 14 stars flash with fiber-optic lights,
Santa shivers outside in a red coat and tights
ringing the bell by a donation kettle
while shoppers fill carts up with blenders and griddles.
Seasons Greetings from Wal-Mart, we're rolling back prices!
There's a cake sale in deli, and the Subway sells Icees.
We can't wish Merry Christmas for fear we'll be sued,
but we'll wear bells and elf hats, and we're here to serve you!
There are coupons for photo's with snow backdrop scenes,
and we'll make babies smile despite all their loud screams.
There's bicycles hanging, just pick from the ceiling,
and the card aisle conveys all your pre-printed feelings.
Seasons Greets from Wal-Mart, we're open all night!
The muzak is playing, and the mark-ups are slight.
So come on down, folks, there's an acre to park
with security cameras, so you're safe after dark!
Better hurry, there's only six shopping days left,
and the bargains are literally flying off shelves.
Find your Holiday Spirit before sales go away.
Starting Sunday, it's all about Valentines Day!
| from one holiday to the next...Hallmark rules...a card for every occasion, an occasion commercialized for every card.|
Wal-mart is santa's kingdom..and jesus is nowhere in sight...
was there ever another meaning to Christmas..???
if there was i think i forgot what it was---
i have to put the thousand lights up around my house---outdo the neighbors...
inside the tree is so surrounded by presents, can't even see the star on top of it...
oh yeah, the star..something i remember about a star, wise-men...shepherds?
did they shop at Wally world before going to the manger?
this piece makes me long for the old days...when christmas at least retained some of its original meaning...when kids got that ONE special gift they wanted rather than a hundred they opened then forgot two minutes later.
|| Posted on 2011-02-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ] || i know it is a bit late to comment, ......but i had a great laugh when i read this during the vacation! it reminded me of when i was very young (!) i used to love the lyrics of paddy roberts, who inspired by noel coward started writing just for fun. .... well..... 'merry christmas you su.kers' used to really irritate the holy sisters where i was educated. short sighted of them really, because if they could have just got over the irreverance of the title, and listened more carefully, they would have surely have agreed with the sentiment. well.... i love your updated version of my old christmas favourite! |
i hope 2011 is a good one for you! all the very best. J
|| Posted on 2011-01-06 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ] || Hahahaha nice.Rhyme scheme mechanics gave it this rising peak.I marvel at it because you have took a thing millions of Americans see during this time of the year flipping things with laughter, putting this joke mirror on society in the sense and there's twists I most likely would have bursted harder with laughter if it was a man in walmart telling the story of xmas spirited hyperactive employees apart of this hilarious marketing bull[censored] plan but more so looking stupid.|
Anyway, still gave me the funnies and now you have done nothing but make me a little more interested into doing comedic pieces
Keep up the works
|| Posted on 2010-12-22 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ] || it's a merry time of year theres a tide of bleach down aisle three that come with discount rates for a fragile x-men movie. the rain is frozen so the salt is covered in it so i can drive my car right up. i didn't mind the elf at walmart, but i cringed at all his dirty connotation. it's something like a vacation where alot of people going were looking forward to it although many of the people wish to regret it, but they keep making themselves reservations. the santa claus has many helping hands it would seem indeed. it is easy to find him plump enough, and his skin usually looks bleached skin familiar. they have their discount signs placed everywhere. the growth rate is market share and land investment. the benefits are pragmatic, to suppose just enough value of face. this is their cheapest investment. its a feeling of layout just the same. a known familiarity and common place of coming together where convention is more orderly. we believe it's good for us, but it's something false just the same.||| Posted on 2010-12-20 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ] || I'm dreaming of a green Easter|
with every Hanukkah card I write...
|| Posted on 2010-12-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] || I love this!|
You really convey the modern day take of our beloved national holiday. Yes the way you've written it is humourous and very funny, but in a way it's very sad and true how people nowadays see the dollar signs before anything else.
I love the ending about Valentines day. Your showing that as soon as all the pomp n promo ends for Christmas, they then step up a gear for the next big money spinner...being Valentines day! And hey maybe even Easter after that...
Hurrah for this one. You've definately hit the proverbial Christmas nail on the head!
|| Posted on 2010-12-19 00:00:00 | by master raz | [ Reply to This ] || God bless wal mart if only they offered more products made in the USA. I visited an Abilene TX wal-mart yesterday They had a live Tuba band playing xmas songs. You have not heard silent night until u hear it played on tubas. I was wondering if on xmas the state mental hospitals give their patients passes to visit wal mart? I base this on the lovely people I met there. If this is not the case, then maybe the doctors should visit wal marts around xmas time and set up an express lane.||| Posted on 2010-12-19 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ] || Hi there Runes missed you in between Xmas and Valentine.|
Well Yes I am with you on this poem. That is what it became as it was intended to be Commercial from the start of 25th Dec 3500 BC. when Nimrod’s son Tamus was born on that 25th day. Wench Xmas was born from. The Messiah was born on September the 11th not confirmed but more or less correct. So the Messiah birthday was incorporated to fall on the birthday of Tamus who in fact started the first Anti-Christ movement. God Nimrods whore mother and his wife Semiramis the goddesses of virility under various other known names gave birth to Tamus the symbol of the Cross on 25th Dec. There is no command to celebrate the Lord Messiahs birthday from Scriptures nor any other birthday.
It all became a moneymaking scheme that works well as such. Same with Valentines day and all the other Holy day features. Check it out on the internet if you please you may stand in awe how long ago these things were arrange to be in place today.
|| Posted on 2010-12-19 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ] || Hey,|
Ahaha, 'tis rather funny! And so true, how it's all about money for most during this season of giving. Personally, I don't celebrate Christmas, but it's rather unavoidable. I mean, we don't have Wal-Mart here, but all those big department stores and shops all going crazy for their business hours is certainly relatable. I really love the "pre-printed feelings" part, it shows both how lazy people are becoming and that it's more about the material things in life that for us, seem to matter more. I'm not saying that it applies to everyone, but it's true for a lot of people. And I lovelovelove the the first stanza, using toys that most people all know of and creating the stable with those products. It's amazing.
The only bit that I didn't get was the last line, with Valentine's Day. I mean, I get it, but I don't. Isn't a bit early for Valentine's Day?
But other than that, I think it's brilliant!
|| Posted on 2010-12-19 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ] |