I held on, I held onto something that I knew wasn't lasting because I did not want another failure under my belt. After all the broken hearts, all the nights screaming into my pillow or tossing back just one more. I deserved this, I deserved lasting love, i would make it for myself.
I thought I had learned, I thought that relationships were as strong as the work you put into them. I thought if I gave a little more of myself, or gave up a little bit more of my dreams, or kissed just a little harder, that I could force the love to stay, to be eternal.
As I watched it slip away and saw all the lonlieness coming my way, I almost lost it- Could I really be doing this to my heart again? Yet, this time, the realization that I was no more alone by myself then I was when I was with you hit me hard.
This time, I can say when I am walking away that it wasn't a moment to soon. This wasn't you cheating, this wasn't me being scared and young, this wasn't my family. I know That I fought for this and for us, giving up my needs and wants and hopes and dreams until I was a blank canvas for you to write your wishes on.
It felt good for awhile, I thought the emptying of me for you was a sign of this "great love" I thought that it was a way I could let you see how much I cared for you.
In the end, I was just empty and alone with my nothingness, as you soon tired of even writing on me. What had I done? Now, not only was I losing you, but I had already given up everything else.
I thought this is what you needed to do? I thought this was the way to love!? I screamed at the sky God's. They seemed to whisper back, Love only works, when you are loved back.
| wow i have felt like this before, its like you captured everything i was feeling! i was in a very serious relationship and i saw the end coming but i kept prolonging the break up because i didnt want to be alone after all those years, but it came anyways and now i realize it was better for the both of us.. even tho its taken me a little while to figure it out. we both fell out of love with eachother, it was very sad. good write!||| Posted on 2010-12-22 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ] |