[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Coming Homedots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 251
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1496


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComing Homedots


    Wearily I walk the trail of scarlet tears
    where the rim of the shattered mountains
    rips a jagged wound in the soft underbelly
    of a bruised and blood drenched sky.

    Black soot may be dripping
    from my sightless eyes,
    yet still I see
    where this trail is leading me.

    There she stands
    by the alter of the damned.
    How enchanting, she makes death a wanton look,
    she bends to kiss my lips,
    a hint of cinnamon and gallows breath.

    A light caress of sharpened steel highlights
    the wounded cries and dying
    sighs of every victim,
    who has ever gazed into her eyes.
    Sweetly she whispers in my torn and sutured ear
    "I never forget one of my own
    and now it is time to carry you home."

    We rise on an anthracitic breeze
    to drift over carbonized trees,
    well above the glowing coastline
    and its misshapen heaps of bestial slavered ruins.

    She says to me
    "do you like how I have redone the place?
    I was growing so bored with bright colors,
    and this quite fits my present mood"

    I only sigh and say,
    "Yes dear you have certainly outdone yourself
    this time."

    Submitted on 2010-12-24 21:50:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Awesome depth. Ordinarily I'd suspect that after being continually impressed with poem after poem such as you've posted as an apparent Christmas present to us, I'd suspect that my own mood was one of (shall we say) operating on an elevated level, but I suspect that elevated would better describe your own talent as currently being practiced.

    I'm not that easily impressed but you are doing a great job in volume. I mentioned to another writer who is about our age that maybe it's just that we think along the same patterns or have similar historical references to draw upon, but whatever it is hits home.
    | Posted on 2010-12-25 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Carry written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    prison written by ShyOne
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Records I written by Raphael




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]