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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Life (Part Two)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 334
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1136



    Description:
       Aaaaaggghhhhhhh part two is done. Kind of... I am still working on the PS. bit. Is it necessary? Please let me know (:
    Kthankss (:
    Anyway, I guess this is the /enclosed document/ from part one. If only people were poetic during breakups... Would it soften the blow? ahh off topic. Anyway, Life sucks sometimes. When I say that I mean a few things. Like personal matters which make you feel like crap. And then the justice of life itself. Why are some people given a great opportunity of life while others struggle during their time on Earth? Agh, my head is getting philosophical and I am rambling.
    (:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Life (Part Two)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Life,

    I know I'm not the first to do this
    You've met many like me before,
    I'm sorry, but my love was infatuation
    You can see now, I hate you to the core.

    What makes me say such things?
    Well, where do I begin...
    You've shoved so many things at me,
    Like thinking, love and religion.

    You were always too high maintenance
    And gave preference over people,
    You distinguished the poor and rich
    And separated the strong and feeble.

    I cannot separate your truth from lies.
    Take, for example, "dreams"
    Fools would clamour after you for them,
    Just to have you tear at their seams.

    But, my precious Life, I admit
    You did have your moments;
    You were beautiful in my eyes,
    But was it worth all your torments?

    I feel foolish writing you a note
    But this is the last you'll see of me.
    The world knows we aren't destined
    So from me you are now free.

    From me.

    PS.




    Submitted on 2010-12-25 07:47:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    I read Part 1 & found it simple & pitch perfect. So moseyed on over here to read part 2. Rather than simply titling it "Dear Life (Part Two)" maybe you could go with "Dear Life (Enclosed Document)". Just a miscellaneous thought.

    Life IS high maintenance, isn't it? I like how this captures the actual elements of a break-up, kinda eluding to things that are said but applying them to this personification of "life". It works well. It is begrudging & sort of sad in the way things are when one must say goodbye. Some of the terms you use are generic (such as religion, love, etc) & I wonder if this could be emphasized on, more you & your life specific.

    With the "PS." at the end. As it stands now, it doesn't make sense because there is nothing following the "post script". Do you intend for this to be a part 3? I think it might make a neat extension if that is the case "Dear Life (P.S.)".

    Overall, cool concept.
    | Posted on 2011-01-22 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      Ummm I can see it was fueled by certain problems and situations that is not included in this which I figured because of what you described.
    Find it cool it was submitted on Christmas haha.
    It's a sonnet too, that says no to disappointment and frowns at anticipation from what the readers wants it to be I guess.
    I can see what you were focusing on and trying to get across I think and that could be what you asked yourself once."Why is life so complicated and unfair?"

    I know it's something I ask myself often.
    Now the last stanza, seems like you want to start all the way over, free from things that can trap you and bring on thoughts you want nothing to do with such as religion, love of a certain kind and materialism to an extent.
    More than anything I'm attracted to the honesty of it.
    Fourth stanza is what so many ppl deal with everyday.This quiet anger that you get from not being able to interpret dreams and not knowing why you are having them which causes daily confusion for some people.

    Third one points out humanity in the modern day world we live in to me, that's how I took it.
    The thing I don't get is that you felt foolish writing
    what is bothering your heart or making you ask why do things have to be this way.
    Although I don't find anything foolish about this.
    I'm actually pretty awakened by it because it lets me know someone, just someone out there thinks the same things, asking themselves things they would not unless they looked into their own life with a magnifying glass to get a bigger picture on what is going on so I salute you.
    Oh, and why the PS at the end lol.
    Just felt you should put that there or what?

    Hmmm this one caught me off guard.
    See, sigh, this makes me wanna post....


    RG
    | Posted on 2010-12-25 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]


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