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    dots Submission Name: arboreality according to my grandmotherdots

    Author: WhatYouWill
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 65/76/35
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 315
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645


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    dotsarboreality according to my grandmotherdots

    she said if I eat a watermelon seed
    I can grow a watermelon forest inside of my skin

    but the sword swallower at the circus
    is not bothered by any sharp blade-leaves
    or heavy hilt-flowers in his throat

    and Kronus, who gulped down his children like popcorn,
    is senseless to any little fingers
    scratching at the insides of his cheeks like ragged boughs

    and you, the one who devoured my heart,
    do not feel in your stomach the affection-orchards
    with old knotty trees dropping apples-of-my-eye

    and I am inclined
    to think she was lying

    Submitted on 2010-12-26 13:04:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You left a smile on my face. I say that as a complement, of course. It was a very easy read. The level of conciseness played well to the wit. It its very child-like the way you moved from one thought to another. Of course, I'm not saying you're immature. I am merely referring to the way children have the ability to use their semi-untainted way of thinking to shame the pettiness of adults. :)
    | Posted on 2010-12-28 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Agh, sorry, auto correct changed 'belch' into 'bench.' sorry about that! D: (in the Kronus paragraph)
    | Posted on 2010-12-27 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]

    I have had a similar story to the first stanza. When I was younger, my dad told me that I think it was orange seeds, when swallowed, would create a tree inside my stomach. Naturally, I was terrified...

    But I like how this poem extends beyond that and gives more insightful comparisons to the first stanza.

    Oh that silly sword swallower. It is true though, he pushes blades down his throat and yet he does it for show as if it were nothing but a slab of butter. I think the floral analogy of blade leaves and flowered hilts soften the edge (no pun intended). For the sake of imagery it's great, but it makes the actual sword seem like it's something pleasant.

    Haha, with Kronus, I can vividly see him just munching on a bunch of screaming kids and then letting out a bench whilst rubbing his tummy in satisfaction. Because you compared the children to popcorn, I thought of a less serious image in my head.

    Ah and the last stanza is my favourite by far. I think they are called idioms? The last line, in that stanza... That orchard of affection with its idioms of love, I love that! It also paints a picture of a little orchard in a stomach, minus the gastric juices and all.

    And the last two lines... Haha, oh the sarcasm. Brill (:

    This is an awesome piece. Using the three different stanzas of comparison is just enough for you to come to your witty solution. :D

    I might be completely wrong, but that's just my interpretation.

    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2010-12-27 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]

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