Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Elegy To Innocencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 300
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1348



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsElegy To Innocencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Unlaced a mist of gaze to shine by evil sprite
    tangled lips twist a fearsome grin relishing
    the stiffening tips of twin foes.

    Locked in embrace, to the final quickening, the end of envy,
    the fall of angels,
    and the ever hardened rise.

    A death of dream as seen, in Masaccio's
    expulsion from paradise.

    Yet still dewy-white defies the night,
    and somewhere a rain drop falls
    that once enthralled a flower
    that once in Eden grew,

    so long ago

    Now
    and now all dreams are flesh upright
    No
    no more, they are hairs upon a comb
    hairs that once graced the fair, the fairest-maiden
    Lost an exquisite gem from diadem so long
    no longer
    yet to long to skip unclothed, but now to toil
    a long dust drenched trail; a tale of mystic books
    fit for Kings to read, for Priest to chant for Painter's brush
    to brush a weeping damsel's tears, that mar the trickling brook.

    The stream of time unwinds but
    the tale is raveled still; with secrets to reveal.
    Yet once was not all revealed and does not man
    now stand covered?
    Oh, such an evil sprite; and how this sprite relishes the fall
    of
    innocence.




    Submitted on 2011-01-01 06:34:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If I yield faint praise it's to avoid being guilty of encouraging you further when it would seem at least from my perspective that you have not slept much lately. I really like the mid-point of this one which begins with "Now" and the way you've structured it to encompass so much of mankind's tale in so little verse. I also appreciate the little rhymes. History and mystery.

    This morning when I woke up and before reading this I was thinking of eagles mating in flight which I see reflected herein with "Locked in embrace, to the final quickening, the end of envy, the fall of angels". The eagles' own key to surviving is knowing when to quit so nature provides it's own moral lessons.

    A keeper, although I stumbled a bit over the first line. Keep well.
    | Posted on 2011-01-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188551

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    This written by Chelebel
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Incubus written by monad
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    A Drink written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bond written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry