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    dots Submission Name: Elegy To Innocencedots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 300
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1348


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsElegy To Innocencedots

    Unlaced a mist of gaze to shine by evil sprite
    tangled lips twist a fearsome grin relishing
    the stiffening tips of twin foes.

    Locked in embrace, to the final quickening, the end of envy,
    the fall of angels,
    and the ever hardened rise.

    A death of dream as seen, in Masaccio's
    expulsion from paradise.

    Yet still dewy-white defies the night,
    and somewhere a rain drop falls
    that once enthralled a flower
    that once in Eden grew,

    so long ago

    and now all dreams are flesh upright
    no more, they are hairs upon a comb
    hairs that once graced the fair, the fairest-maiden
    Lost an exquisite gem from diadem so long
    no longer
    yet to long to skip unclothed, but now to toil
    a long dust drenched trail; a tale of mystic books
    fit for Kings to read, for Priest to chant for Painter's brush
    to brush a weeping damsel's tears, that mar the trickling brook.

    The stream of time unwinds but
    the tale is raveled still; with secrets to reveal.
    Yet once was not all revealed and does not man
    now stand covered?
    Oh, such an evil sprite; and how this sprite relishes the fall

    Submitted on 2011-01-01 06:34:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      If I yield faint praise it's to avoid being guilty of encouraging you further when it would seem at least from my perspective that you have not slept much lately. I really like the mid-point of this one which begins with "Now" and the way you've structured it to encompass so much of mankind's tale in so little verse. I also appreciate the little rhymes. History and mystery.

    This morning when I woke up and before reading this I was thinking of eagles mating in flight which I see reflected herein with "Locked in embrace, to the final quickening, the end of envy, the fall of angels". The eagles' own key to surviving is knowing when to quit so nature provides it's own moral lessons.

    A keeper, although I stumbled a bit over the first line. Keep well.
    | Posted on 2011-01-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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