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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beasts of Burdendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Fantastic Freya
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 133/160/47
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 620
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 861



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeasts of Burdendots
    -------------------------------------------


    My friend the camel learned to fly in the wasteland. He
    was golden with water dreams, but pockmarked
    from the toes down and across his unshadowed page.
    I didn't know how to drink without a tongue and he
    had forgotten how to be a cup.

    We learned in grey and salt. He would stamp on my spit
    until it ran greening into parchment cracks or
    - slitherwise as the taipan -
    tricked the grass into bloom.

    I watched him hollow, stretch, thin, sway,
    muddy and cough. Sunsets tripped over his brow,
    worn now to wax-bright whispering.

    I found wings on the redgum's bank, fluttering
    out of waterlily reach. I frightened them, but he was close
    behind to soothe. They tapped his shoulders and he smiled
    his last drink for me.




    Submitted on 2011-01-03 18:12:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      We learned in grey and salt. He would stamp on my spit
    until it ran greening into parchment cracks or
    - slitherwise as the taipan -
    tricked the grass into bloom.

    I watched him hollow, stretch, thin, sway,
    muddy and cough. Sunsets tripped over his brow,
    worn now to wax-bright whispering.

    i love every word of that.
    | Posted on 2011-01-07 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      i had it in my mind to be wordless (without comment) in 2011.

    this is elusive and incisively worded.

    fantastic, though for my money, the ending trailed away.

    this is not mentioned out of meanness, for whatever reason, i care very much about poetry....

    maybe it's that the close seems romantic less mystical, but then again it could be that i'm wrong. reading it again, i like the last section least, but i have fallen in love with this poem

    thanks for that.

    db
    | Posted on 2011-01-05 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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