Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: josymanthegreat
    ASL Info:    21/m/GA from Puerto Rico
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 337/364/104
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 991
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 689



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Nothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What is this inside of me,
    Telling me from the deep dark,
    To give in to all my instincts,
    To give up living this farce.

    It tells me to leave behind me,
    Far away the mask I wear,
    Primal urges tearing at me,
    Wanting me to leave this hell.

    Forsaken by all the angels,
    By the devils left behind,
    Wrong are wired all my cables,
    Wondering just what am I?

    All there is are weathered ruins...
    All there is are worthless things...
    All there is are brainwashed beings...
    Being all lead to their ends,
    Taken like a sacrifice,
    Peacefully taking their deaths.




    Submitted on 2011-01-06 23:25:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like your ending very much. The beginning could be anything. I find I can pretty much stick anything from my world into the first three stanzas and it would relate to me easily. You got more specific in the last stanza that I loved because I feel like it touches a particular part of me. What it touched is all the material possessions I have especially my LCD TV where I forget myself and blankly laugh at whatever is on TV slowly sucking the essence out of me. I'm sure in thirty years, I'll remember my wasted youth.

    Nicely written.

    Cheers,

    charmedidentity
    | Posted on 2011-01-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      We are indeed Matrix Cattle, only we create our own Matrix of cable tv/magazine/sudoku distractions and fiercely buy into the System with our social whoring for a paycheck to indulge our commodity fetishisms, etc.
    Nicely written.
    | Posted on 2011-01-07 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    188660

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry