This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Winter Moon


Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 101
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 839
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 656



Description:




Winter Moon



The winter moon casts shadows down with
gentle beams, unlike the sun, and silver-coats
the branches bare, ghost-lights the dying lawn,
and all the while the white moon plays,
the dawn awaits to interrupt the darkness
with rose-red bouquets of golden waking sun.

The wind that shivers frozen trees lifts
Morning in a tousled dance, while dewdrops
kiss the scenery in diamond-glitter to enchant
the bluing sky, the rising sun, the fresh young face
of our Today, before the pretty moon returns
and changes all the daylight colors back
to black and gray.




Submitted on 2011-01-07 02:34:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It's a nice poem, especially if you read it out.
| Posted on 2011-03-10 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
  you astound me with your versatility. one minute you have us all keeling over with belly laughter and then you stun us with pieces like this.
it is a beautiful piece of writiing.

the moon is very important over here in oman, and i am particularly interested in the movement of the planets. one of my greatest joys is to mix my science teaching with the pleasures of poetry. this poem so atmospheric, and the pictures that you paint with your words, and the feeling you convey to us is spot on. you have contructed it very inteligently, so we do not realise where you are leading us, we just enjoy the whole experience of reading it through.

yes, it is absolutely charming. all the very best. j
| Posted on 2011-01-14 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
  i have liked this a few times, i say that because the first time it caught me in its rhythms, and i say it because i find i haven't been able to get them completely back.

going off that first time, it drew me in with short bursts,
and as one who desires to write good poetry it left me feeling envious and congratulatory.

the last line is killer of course, but it's deeper than that, something in the diversionary tactics of the imagery allowing a truth-hurt to be proved.

The wind that shivers frozen trees lifts
Morning in a tousled dance, while dewdrops
kiss the scenery in diamond-glitter to enchant
the bluing sky, the rising sun, the fresh young face
of our Today, before the pretty moon returns
and changes all the daylight colors back
to black and gray.

the bluing sky, the rising sun, the fresh young face...

that's where the poem makes its move, but it's all a set up, has been set up.

excellent, well done.
| Posted on 2011-01-09 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  The Winter Queen sweeps her hand, icy white
shivers the shadows to glitter like sprites.
The Dark Dreamer wakes, to ominous sky.
The Winter Queen it seems has passed him by.
The moon, a magic rune she drew with light.
(still shows a faerie glow on emerald snow)
While here in dreamer's dark realm thunder cracks,
cold rain pours down, and the sky is only black.
(meant literally we are having a major thunderstorm
as I write these words)
| Posted on 2011-01-09 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
  This delightful prose has strong word pictures, which evoke strong emotional responses from memories of winters past. Nothing is quite so stark and chrystal clear as a moonlit calm, cold winter's night!

Nice work.
| Posted on 2011-01-08 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  As the previous comments, nice use of colors and images. I like the feeling of the complete cycle from this, a full appreciation of night to night.
| Posted on 2011-01-07 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the image you portrayed here. The fact that you can describe a scenary so well is amazing.

Your beginning immediately drew me in and the flow throughout the whole poem was smooth and flawless. I felt like a leaf roaming through the woods casting shadows on the ground. It was peaceful and beautifully written.

I also loved the way you ended it with the sun reappearing but instead of all the colors we normally see, there are shades of gray. I look out the window now and all I see is gray.

Nicely written.

Cheers,

Charmedidentity
| Posted on 2011-01-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the images painted here. That serene and tranquil darkness. I know I would swap that any day with the hot, blistering, muggy nights we get here. The metaphor used for the sun is different, I haven't ever heard of something like that. It's a simple innovation.
Sometimes I wish I had more time to read simply beautiful poems like this.

How about a rendition of our Winter moon here?

The winter moon, a beacon in the sea of darkness,
A sign to the faint chirping of crickets,
And another smothering night full of heat,
Before making way to the bright fuzzy peach sun,
Making way for a slow and warm day.

Sorry, it is a bit rough, but hopefully you can get an idea of how warm Winter is here. Although, it is currently Summer, the heat remains throughout the year. What I wouldn't do to see a nice crisp Winter as described here. Makes me want to go back home to New Zealand...

Anyway, beautiful and descriptive piece, thanks for sharing (:

--Esha
| Posted on 2011-01-07 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



188662