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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'm in a Roomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 259
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1014



    Description:
       I read this book called Room by Emma Donoghue and got inspired to write this piece. I can't imagine what's it like to live in a room all those years.

    There's a story I read a few months ago about this woman who was found 19 years after being kidnapped. It's a sad and twisted world we live in.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'm in a Roomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Beep beep
    I hear the code behind the door
    The fresh breeze from outside
    Only for that second do I breathe
    Before the door shuts behind him
    Beep beep

    I can't stop his footsteps
    I can't knock him unconscious
    I can't hide in the darkness
    I can't beg him to leave me alone
    I can't claw my way out of his cell
    I can't break through any windows
    I can't do anything on my own

    I let his footsteps grow louder
    Let his massive hands grope me
    Let my eyes stare at the ceiling
    Let a lullaby invade my mind
    Let the pain of his touch dull me
    Let this nightmare be a nightmare
    I let him do as he pleases... then leaves

    Beep beep
    I can't manoeuvre myself around him;
    Let him take my place as I take his
    I'll never know the combination
    As I watch the sunlight disappear
    Beep beep




    Submitted on 2011-01-07 13:30:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey,

    This reminds me of a (bad) movie I saw once, "Cellular"
    But by no means am I calling your poem bad! The movie wasn't exactly the greatest, I thought. Anyway, it's like this lady gets kidnapped for no apparent reason (that's what they make you think in the beginning...) and then she uses pieces of a broken telephone to make a call and it's to some young 'I'm-too-cool-but-in-reality-I'm-this-brave-and-heroic-guy-after-I-resolve-my-superficiality' and the rest is history.

    I can definitely feel the fear from this character. Just using the repetition of "Beep beep" indicates something almost like a... 'ritual', or like you know something is about to happen...

    This is like a... 'circle' In terms of form of stanzas. The first and last stanza complement each other, while the second and third are similar in that they involve repetition. You clearly show the woman's thinking and point of view during these traumatic times.

    Half of me wishes this would rhyme and the other half tells me that is would ruin the effect.

    This is a kinda dark piece, but you have been able to execute such disturbing events into a more sincere form of poetry. Good job (:

    Thanks for sharing! (:

    --Esha
    | Posted on 2011-01-09 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]


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