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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love, Your Nocturnal Daylight Elf dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: S.A.M.
    ASL Info:    26/f/xx
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 476/419/137
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 784



    Description:
       please read and comment. Enjoy.


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    dotsLove, Your Nocturnal Daylight Elf dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Breath in the sweat scent of what you need
    the nutrients is not of life force
    but of esteem.
    A sharp prick, a numb pain
    the voices begin to scream
    the movie screen flickers the never ending story
    chains relinquish unbound demons of the past
    the pace quickens with the flow
    slowly drained of new found strength
    regress to an old mental state.
    the sea tosses within
    as the spine dances away with the wind.
    A blanket of white
    atop a crimson ground
    Distance creeps a close bound patch of earth.
    Found with embracing gaze
    slipping away within clasped hands.
    Day and night
    a hard compromise
    . . .
    on the horizon the sun doth rise. . .




    Submitted on 2011-01-07 23:19:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot for the imagery. Also the lines ending with the wind/within caught my interest. However you tried too much at the end with compromise/sun doth rise. Doth doesn't work. I would prefer the sun rises. Doth might work in an arcane usage but I didn't have that sense as it seems the speaker's exploration puts various things together past and present. The first two lines are are difficult. Probably because there is a typo in the first line of sweat instead of sweet although sweat scent has some merit on its own used in another way. The second line stops me at is because the verb doesn't agree with the noun nutrients but instead with life force.
    | Posted on 2011-01-08 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]


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