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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: But Not My Heart!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 645



    Description:
       I tried :S
    Dissect it and all that, if you want.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBut Not My Heart!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Take my hand then... But not my heart
    I am forever amazed by your eloquence
    Enlighten me with a song, won't you?
    Haha, no, enough of these foolish games...
    Because... I promised to never love again!
    But your grace is impossible to dismiss... No!
    Please don't take that; it's my heart.
    Well, you've captured every other part of my being
    Can't I try and capture you too?
    Your eyes x-ray-ed me
    From the moment I walked in
    I knew it would be you I would leave with.

    (now read from bottom up)




    Submitted on 2011-01-09 10:28:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This so rocks. Both backward and forward.

    I am forever amazed by your eloquence. Lovely. Beats mentioning the eyes any day.

    And how you then move into Enlighten me with a song. Praise praise praise la la la.

    But seriously -- that transition is unexpected, the thought is unexpected (as well as quite novel to me -- but so very true, songs do enlighten, don't they?).

    I like how this is broken up with plain-speech, it makes for a good balance. Keeps it simple, but still allows you to say some weighty/meaningful things in a more poetic (I hate that word) fashion.

    I also really dig how that 'that' in bold is bang in the middle. Yup. Makes it pretty to look at. Yup.

    Your grace is impossible to dismiss.

    Again, with the not going for eyes/hair/pecs/blah/blah. And 'grace' is an unusual choice when talking about a guy (making some assumptions here) or even a girl; or at least, in a piece with this tone. You sort of expect it alongside such words as 'angels' and 'heaven' and 'dream' -- and you've avoided that tremendously.

    And some silly love lyrics which both amused and enlightened me lately. Fun fun fun.

    *

    Jean Pierre was a fashion designer
    And Jean Pierre couldn't feel any finer
    'Cause all he needed was a fresh look for fall, that's it

    John Pierre took her out to the movies
    And John Pierre loved the way she said groovy
    And soon before he knew it, Jean Pierre was in love

    They were takin' it way too slow
    Jean Pierre was ready to blow
    Just lookin' at Rommy's Pants
    You can take France out of the lover
    But not the lover out of France

    So Jean Pierre took his love to the river
    And Jean Pierre hoped she let him get in her
    And Jean Pierre did what any red-blooded fashion designer would do

    He ran his hands down her back to her butt
    Just like a straight guy would
    And he thought to himself, 'Oh, American ass...
    Now I know what McDonald's is all about, mm hmm'

    [Insert freestyle french here
    Something about a banana
    Oh, oui...And another banana...
    I cannot type French
    If you can, please leave it in a comment
    And I will add it.]

    Jean Pierre was a fashion designer
    And Jean Pierre couldn't feel any finer
    'Cause all he needed was a fresh look for fall
    All he needed was a fresh look for fall
    All he needed was a fresh look for that, that's it
    Oui, oui, oui.

    Anya Marina

    *

    And hello :)
    | Posted on 2011-04-17 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      Not only am I impressed by the fact
    that this is reversible verse (which one
    does not often find) I am amazed that
    the same exact words have such different
    emotional connotations. As I see it when
    read in the normal fashion the protagonist
    knows the suspect in question and is
    predisposed in safeguarding the prime
    asset (heart). Therefore I determine said
    subject to be lively and fun but commitment
    has already been negatively determined.

    However when reversed the protagonist does
    not have said predisposition. Therefore the suspect is not so suspect and may indeed by good grace win said heart.

    Kewl.
    | Posted on 2011-01-16 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      Wuv! Wuv is what I feel! <3 Because wuv is what I live for towards poems--and you my friend, have totally accomplished that...not that we actually know each-other xD
    | Posted on 2011-01-13 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      It's the poem that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends... (pumps arm while singing).
    Cute.
    | Posted on 2011-01-10 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      It's amazing that this makes a poetic and lucid story when read from top down or bottom up. It is actually better read from the bottom up!

    Very talented!
    | Posted on 2011-01-10 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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