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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Ruinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 629
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 861



    Description:
       I honestly wish I had the ability to purge all emotion from this heart and live through logic alone...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Ruinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stood around
    these ruins for far too long
    thinking of my
    would be salvation

    the truth is
    I've needed
    a new source of Mortar
    from day one

    And I wanted
    that to be you...

    And of course
    I would be the one to fall
    as if the choice
    were ever mine to make

    Most want to feel
    the sunlight

    foolish me..

    I wanted to know
    the smell of your hair
    feel your eye lashes
    on my cheek


    I've stood around
    these ruins for far too long

    Soon enough

    you will melt away
    like the last snow fall
    before spring

    and maybe
    just maybe
    I'll learn its time
    to build something new




    Submitted on 2011-01-10 16:40:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, without pain, perhaps joy wouldn't be so sweet, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. This is very well written, and sadly, I know this feeling too.

    The only niggles are that eyelashes is one word, and you need another dot in the second ellipsis. You also need an apostrphe in it's in the final stanza.

    Amy
    | Posted on 2011-12-05 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      The world is a never ending cycle of torture and pain. That's probably what you're feeling right now. And a little glimpse of hope is in the horizon to make the days more livable.

    There's nothing worse in this world than a heartbreak. You wish that you can throw away your heart and replace it with a bigger brain. That everything would be better if you simply don't feel. There's no remedy for a heartache. Time and physical activity is the only way to keep moving.

    Your words are simple and touching. Anyone can relate to what you said.

    Cheers,

    Charmedidentity
    | Posted on 2011-01-11 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      I really loved this poem, its very beautiful. I can feel the emotions you were feeling when you wrote this, and I too have been there as well. Don't worry sweetie, I know life seems hard now but its going to get better, everything happens for a reason; I know it may seem hard to believe now, but its true. I've been through heartbreaks of every kind, from family to lovers, but I'm still here standing strong and proud to say I'm happy now. Hold strong, the pain wont last forever. Here is a few grammatical corrections.

    "I stood around
    these ruins for far too long,
    thinking of my
    would be salvation.

    The truth is
    I've needed
    a new source of Mortar
    from day one,

    and I wanted
    that to be you...

    Of course
    I would be the one to fall,
    as if the choice
    were ever mine to make.

    Most want to feel
    the sunlight,

    foolish me;

    I wanted to know
    the smell of your hair
    feel your eye lashes
    on my cheek.


    I've stood around
    these ruins for far too long,

    Soon enough

    you will melt away
    like the last snow fall
    before spring.

    Maybe
    just maybe
    I'll learn its time
    to build something new."
    | Posted on 2011-01-10 00:00:00 | by AshleyDYoung | [ Reply to This ]
      first impressions -

    being/living/feeling in ruins is a tough spot to be in. more than tough actually. it totally sucks big time. honestly, i don't know if there is any worse thing heartwise/headwise.

    i mean deep down inside when you know something is never going to be (i mean you know it) but somehow you hold onto the hope that maybe... just maybe. (fortitude should count right?) in my experience it hasn't (marks a big Loser L on my forehead).

    at some point you find you have to move or everything else about life just passes by or at least your experiences of everything else is less enjoyable because of all the weight your carrying.

    idk... i just know how this feels. at one point, i wished i could just wipe out my memories. it seems that that would have made it a whole lot easier than going through the process of letting go.

    | Posted on 2011-01-10 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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